I Was Confused Because I Was Confident

I went to an off-Broadway show on the night of Tuesday, November 7th, 2016.

It was Othello: The Remix — a reimagining of the original Shakespeare play, but told through rap. I didn’t expect much going in; contextually, it felt like a Hamilton knock off, but as the story progressed, my heart was changed. I laughed a lot and was surprised by the updated tragedy. I enjoyed myself and was excited to get home to close the night out on an even higher note. I was ready to see the first woman become the United States President-elect.

I went to bed at 3:15am…after Donald Trump’s victory speech.

I was confused. I was confused because I was confident. I knew Hillary Clinton would win. Even after news broke that she called Trump to concede, my hope was still high. As I watched Trump give his speech, faith didn’t falter. Reality did not exist to me. It wasn’t a choice I was making; I just could not feel the truth.

I was sad.

I was disappointed.

I was broken.

I was upset.

I was sick that Hillary did not win the election, and I honestly didn’t know how to feel about Donald as the new leader of the free world. Surprisingly, the beginning of his victory speech gave me a glimmer of hope (and, finally, maturity).

“Hillary has worked very long and very hard over a long period of time, and we owe her a major debt of gratitude for her service to our country. I mean that very sincerely.

Now it’s time for America to bind the wounds of division; have to get together. To all Republicans and Democrats and independents across this nation, I say it is time for us to come together as one united people. It’s time.

I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be president for all Americans, and this is so important to me.”

The next morning, I found myself in quiet tears. I questioned what my hurt could be about. It wasn’t about who won or who lost. It was about the character of the people who praised, supported, and attempted to justify Donald’s ridiculous antics. Bullying, bickering, unpreparedness, misinformation…these are the things Donald showed me about himself. Those things are what so many accepted as acceptable.

I may never be in the presence of Donald Trump, but the people who supported the foolishness, believed in his words, and voted for his actions…they walk among and beside me daily. That is what broke my heart.

Later that morning, Hillary gave her concession speech. She said all the right things, but I still felt sad, because beneath her positive words, there was a pulse of uncertainty. I knew she was hurt and still convinced that Donald was not fit for the momentous task.

Following Hillary’s words in New York, President Obama spoke in Washington DC and in my opinion, seemingly struggled to find the politically correct words. As I felt about Hillary, I felt about him.

In times when outcomes don’t make sense, resetting and readjusting is imperative. I experienced this many times during my nightmare of an academic career. It happened a few times in my pursuits of becoming a pop star. I also felt it in within my own family. In New York, I’m resetting daily. Every time I accept and adjust, my vision is refreshed, I feel hopeful again, and I find something good waiting at the end of the line.

Now, for America (and even for our ridiculous new President), I’m resetting, I’m readjusting, and anticipating the good to come. I know it will.

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