“The heart wasn’t for you. You still spazzed.”
I was disgusted. I couldn’t believe the narcissistic text message that came through my phone from Gavin. The previous day, he sent me a few nice messages about a new project I shared with him. Gavin is very talented and I trust his taste, so it was great to receive his stamp of approval.
Later that night (maybe around midnight… early the next morning to be accurate), I began scrolling through my texts and replying back to messages I didn’t respond to earlier. Another friend of mine, Errol, also sent me some wonderful comments about my aforementioned project. I dozed off in the middle of typing to him, woke back up (seemingly) seconds later, and (intentionally) replied with a heart emoji to show my gratitude.
The next morning: “I ALMOST SPAZZED OUT, BUT IF WE CAN’T BE FRIENDS WITHOUT THE LOVE STUFF SNEAKING IN, THEN I’M GONNA HAVE TO CUT YOU OFF. I’M IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP NOW AND YOU NEED TO RESPECT THAT.”
It was a text from Gavin. I accidentally sent the heart emoji to him.
My stomach somersaulted at his reply. I was taken aback for several reasons. I hadn’t seen Gavin in over a year. I hadn’t talked to Gavin on the phone in half a year. I hadn’t texted Gavin in months. The last time we physically met up was briefly last summer. I invited him to hang out numerously that summer. I thought we were simply buddies, but he told me that he felt us kicking it was inappropriate because of our “history”…
I met Gavin on Twitter many years ago. It was when the social media platform was really starting to pick up steam and become the new hot thing. It was simple back then. No like or retweet buttons. No follow suggestions. Just pure communication.
Gavin was a talented rapper that I initially stumbled upon on Myspace. I researched him some more, was impressed, and decided to become a follower of his movement on the 140 character site. I tweeted him “hi.” He tweeted a holla back, and a DM followed asking for my number.
We talked on the phone daily for hours for an entire year. I grew tired of the phone love and decided to plan a trip to New York to see him. Before my visit, I discovered Alicia Keys’ song “Un-Thinkable”. I connected to it so deeply. It was part of my motivation to finally meet Gavin in the flesh. The lyrics were our story.
Time is only wasting, so why wait for eventually?
If we gonna do something about it, we should do it right now.
One day, while on another marathon phone call with the Brooklyn based MC, we started our usual conversation of songs we were currently loving and hating. “Hey, have you heard that song, “Un-Thinkable”? It’s crazy ’cause when I hear it, I think of you.” I froze. The same song. The same feelings.
…our “history” (at least our romantic one) was brief. That New York trip ended horribly. I realized Gavin was definitely not my ideal mate when he accused me of breaking his cheap ass towel rack at his place. I also told him directly that I wasn’t on him like that anymore. On top of it all, I’m nobody’s Amy Fisher. He now has a long term live-in boyfriend. I’m happy for him. Glad he found love and stuff.
I don’t want Gavin.
According to that “oops” text, Gavin thought otherwise. How? Beats me. I couldn’t believe he took the accidental heart emoji…to heart.
I probably will never see the narcissist again, but every time I hear “Un-Thinkable” I think about the magic a song can bring to our lives. I think about how it can push our hearts to explore, learn, and grow. Music makes us dance, cry, connect, and takes us back to times of good and bad. What an amazing ability that notes placed in a perfect order and rhythm can possess.