NaNo Day 10 — On the importance of not giving up
Yet hope remains…
It would be so very easy to give up. I could hear a snake-like voice hissing in my ear, “Why do you have to do this anyway, look how hard you’ve been working, you know it will never pay off, why don’t you just give up and move on, do something easier, you need a break…”
“No, I don’t need a break,” I respond bravely, “I need to finish what I started or at least try to. I already find it hard to not feel like a loser, and if I give up now that’s exactly how I’m going to feel — what’s worse, what I would become…”
And so I get up in the morning and start working on my book. I take a break, come back, and continue my work till it gets dark outside. I take another break and then work some more. This is how November, my November, looks like and this is how it’s going to be.
I rewrote and added a new part to the Introduction. I completely rewrote the first chapter too. I started to write a couple of new chapters too. I took the time and did some more research to support my claims with facts coming from recent and reliable sources.
It took hours. And it paid off in the most unexpected way.
I knew all that, I was already familiar with those facts, but looking for sources, writing the numbers down, reading them again, made me feel different. The facts, you could say, are dark and depressing. I wrote about that in Self-Publishing Breaking News — Macmillan Shuts Down Pronoun.
Knowing them and knowing what’s going to happen to Pronoun shook me to the core, stopped me in my tracks. But it also made me see why I’m doing this. I’m doing it for all the right reasons, and these reasons have nothing to do with money, or fame, or fortune. I’m doing it because I must.
I’m doing it to test myself, I’m doing it to learn, I’m doing it to explore, I’m doing it to share, I’m doing it because I was born to write and because I’d like to pay my dues to all those who have helped me by passing on what I’ve learned and thus help others to the best of my abilities.
This book is available for preorder at $0.99. Given the expected sales based on the reality of the market, I can expect to make about $70 in total sales, at best. That’s the reality of the market. Yes, miracles happen, but one doesn’t buy a lottery ticket really expecting to win.
And so I write, to prove myself that I can, to give myself a kick in the butt, to have a gift I can give to my donors and patrons for Christmas, to have another book published and out there for all who might need it.
So onward I go, and will keep on going!
Mateja started to write short stories at the age of ten and later became a freelance writer, radio personality, and explorer of the inner worlds. Her life resembles a roller coaster ride full of ups and downs and some pretty wild turns. Among other things, her car was destroyed by tanks, and she survived several brushes with death. She graduated in psychology from Arizona State University and is deep into the weird. Connect with Mateja on LinkedIn and Patreon.
