“Here’s looking at you, kid!” —How To Fool A Super Power & Get its Ambassador sacked !!
Are Americans simpletons? — The REAL Story Everybody MISSED about the Indo-US Diplomatic ROW.
“A fool’s paradise is a wise man’s hell. “ — Thomas Fuller
India and America were almost “bhai-bhai”, brethren till the end of 2013. By the beginning of 2014, they almost came to the brink of bidding a belligerent bye-bye. Thankfully, after much hue and cry, taking curative steps, now, the Indian diplomat who had been at the threshold of this controversy, has been allowed to come back to India, “expelled” by America. Lest anybody breathes easy, India too “ordered” the U.S. to withdraw a same level diplomat, Wayne May and her spouse Alicia Muller — who, highhandedly had screwed up matters between the world’s two largest democracies.
It is interesting, however, to note that yet, not satiated with their “good” deed, since their unceremonious expulsion from New Delhi, these two godly folks have bedeviled all on both sides of the globe by passing some hateful, disparaging and racist remarks about India and against Indians, saying on Facebook — “It’s the vegetarians that are doing the raping, not the meat-eaters.” And then, some more. Thank heavens, they have since then left their embassy in New Delhi for their safe haven, hopefully, in a “cozy” posting in Timbuktu!
It is well understood by all and sundry that this quid pro quo, “standard” diplomatic, reciprocal action taken by Indians, was nothing more than a “nice” tit for tat. Sort of, both sides saying but not, “You, mouse! You, rat!”
By now, everybody knows that Devyani Khobragade, the diplomat from India posted in the US, was idiotically “cavity”-stripped-searched, handcuffed in public and jailed by some dorks of the government kind — egged on by a “more-white-assed-than-thou”, an overzealous “tanned” Indian-American prosecutor — with some “motherland” issues in his genes. For, everybody who was anybody amongst arresting American minions, was in the know that this Indian lady enjoyed diplomatic immunity. Yet, how dared they do what they did?
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” — George Carlin
A sizable number of ultra right-wingers in America, as they are largely perceived to be and are wont to do in international affairs, inadvertently took their government’s official line, blind as a bat — balling a full-toss, taking a faulty wicket — in the process, losing their thinking cap. The public at large, in India, fumed. The Indian government (including opportunistic politicians), sensing the general public mood, of wanting to take on the cross-eyed governmental over-lords in America, did what every self-respecting pit-bull is apt to do. It bit back.
Were we to magnanimously discount any suspected underhand dealings of the CIA in India, not that it is disbelieved anywhere — (for, there have been some such incidents in the past whereby the US has been accused of trying to undermine the sovereign authority of India) — then, it may be safely let out that both the East and the West, ill-advised, washing in the open their undergarments and vest, were plain simply cuckolded.
Hamlet: Madam, how like you this play?
Queen: The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
Thus viewed, this unenviable international gaffe can be easily simplified and that wisely, short-sentenced — It is an immigrant bullshit, you twits!
“Methinks” the Indian domestic help, who complained she was not being paid at-par wages by the diplomat, just wanted to lick the cream off many an Indian’s candy dream — of “Coming to America!” Rest was just a third-rate, indigenous version of a Shakespearean comic-tragedy, badly scripted by an overambitious Indian maid, without getting “made”. Believe you me, many of my homies from Punjab — since God became American — has similarly made it to the US, by their knickers if not shorts. By more lies than god-forsaken sighs. Hell, I can vouch for a couple of no good jokers from my own chew-gummed good family lineage, at this very moment thumbing their noses at the Americans, as a goody-good-in-your-hood US citizen. By virtue of a bit too well airily told ‘fairy’ tale.
It must be remembered, the lady servant’s father-in-law was employed by an American diplomat in New Delhi. Her husband too was working as a driver with another foreign official in India. Her mother-in-law also had worked for a US official. The whole family knew well how to oil the cockles of unsuspecting foreigners. Against this “made” street-smart coterie who had hit the lottery, the friendly “adversary” had absolutely no chance of mating any luck — hence, the American were just sitting ducks.
“Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.” — Oscar Wilde
By Indian standards, as a family, they were making more than an honest official in India does — well, if he or she is not on the take. But if the available nuggets of this maid-to-dishonor “sayings” are any clue, then, it does not take a Pink Panther to make out that she nurtured hopes of sticking around in the host country, for good — by being up to no good. Hence, this lot, my dear beloved motherland’s sired, was together able to conjure up a sorry, sob story to be-fool a bigoted “Evangelical” American or two in the US embassy; who, in turn, helped whisk away this disingenuous “poor Christian” maid’s family from India to America, by stealth and deceit, in the middle of the night — as if rescuing a nun without fun, from a dark dictatorship, and not from the world’s largest dorky, dumbfounded democracy that in actuality India is.
Luckily, till now, no ultra right political party in India has had the “bright” idea of playing its “rightful” role — of projecting all this as a grand and a nefarious Christian conspiracy, clandestinely orchestrated by the Pope himself! For, lo behold! if truth be un-funnily told, the domestic help in question, Sangita Richards is a poor, “converted” Christian — sired by the ancestral, fastest sperm from the Hindu fold. Who in his “right” mind, a self-proclaimed “more-your-mamma’s- boy-than-you” supra-nationalist fundamentalist, would let this “God-gift” slip from his slippery hands — especially when the national elections in India are lurking around an inconvenient corner. What a spectacle that would have been! Or still could be, if not nipped in the bud by both the governments on this and that side of the “sorry but no sorry-I am more of an ass than you-I no take your pizza, you no like my curry” saga.
“There is nothing more horrifying than stupidity in action.” — Jawaharlal Nehru (1st Prime Minister of India)
Some naive “ever-right” groups in the US are yet sticking by this sticky wicket, well played by our dear sis gone amiss, in America. In their sad defense, it may be said that of course, these self-righteous folks thereof have not an inkling of what they are up against. That this tale in which they have naively stuck their tail, has been the tried and time-tested, cooked-up “corny” curry with a flurry readily served in America by my dear “fishy” countrymen, to stay in this Richie-Rich land of plenty. In the process, making many a “gora” — white man — a monkey.
But “all’s well that ends well”, as the bard said. However, few if any, now days in this internet jamboree, would cackle with Shakespeare — not in India, at least. We Indians are far too busy casting cast-out devils, all the way in, on the anvil of our neighbor’s till, to spare a momentary laugh at our ignorant selves.
Lest the joke settles in too deeply to be funny anymore, it is imperative that both sides work hard at rebuilding trust again, with perhaps the Americans having to work that much harder at making amends — that too visibly, turning turtle over the incoming blind bends. For, here in India, to date the common dark-skinned lot, as too the thick-skinned intellectual hotshot, feels much betrayed, unfairly played by their white-skinned kin in America. And, we all know how fond of melodrama we Indians are, if the loyal following of millions for the make-believe Bollywood films is any indication; then, the Americans have to perforce learn to do a hop-skip-and-jump, a cartwheel sans fun and a somersault now and then, as also a song and a dance, perhaps a long drawn one at that — literally — to “get” India.
Otherwise, billions will be lost on both sides of the show.
Metaphorically, as well as mathematically.
Methinks!
“Unless India stand up to the world, no one will respect us. In this world, fear has no place. Only strength respects strength.” — Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam (Nuclear Scientist, 11th President of India).
