Detecting and Avoiding Covert Manipulation

Covert Manipulation

Many of us don’t even realize when we’re being manipulated. We may have an uneasy feeling in our gut that doesn’t match the manipulator’s words or feel trapped into agreeing with a request. Most people react in ways that escalate abuse or play into the hands of the abuser and feel small and guilty, but retreat and allow unacceptable behavior. If you had a manipulative parent, it might be harder to recognize in a partner, because it’s familiar.

Ancient wisdom to “know your enemy” is essential when dealing with a manipulator. Being able to spot these hidden arrows allows you to respond strategically to covert manipulation. Understanding what they’re up to empowers you.

When people behave passive-aggressively, what appears passive or defensive is covert aggression. It’s debatable to what extent their behavior is conscious or unconscious. To the victim, it doesn’t matter. The effect is the same. Being overly-empathetic puts you in jeopardy of being mistreated again and again. When someone attacks you overtly or covertly, they’re being aggressive.

Psychologist George Simon argues that these covert manipulators intentionally say and do things to get what they want for power and control. For people characteristically disturbed, such as and some people with , he…