Tactics Narcissists Use to Gain Self-Esteem and Power

To some degree, most of us desire to improve our social status and acceptance, but narcissists feel compelled to. A recent study concluded that it’s their constant concern. More than most people, they look to others for “self-definition and self-esteem regulation; inflated or deflated self-appraisal…,” according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Their self-esteem fluctuates between exaggerated inflation and deflation.

Narcissists are preoccupied with managing their self-esteem, image, appearance, and social rank. They see the world and themselves in terms of hierarchical status, where they’re superior and others are inferior. In their mind, their presumed superiority entitles them to special privileges that others don’t deserve. Their needs, opinions, and feelings count, while those of others don’t or only do to a lesser degree. They have grandiose fantasies extolling their greatness, wherein they’re the most attractive, talented, powerful, smartest, strongest, and wealthiest.

Narcissists’ Self-Esteem

Self-esteem reflects how we think about ourselves. In most tests, narcissists score high on self-esteem. Traditionally, the high self-esteem of a grandiose narcissist was considered a façade for underlying shame. Their insecurity was usually only revealed in therapeutic settings. Recent research challenges that theory. However, since grandiose narcissists have a distorted self-image, tests that rely on self-reporting cannot elicit beliefs and processes inferred from narcissistic attitudes and behaviors nor those observed in clinical settings.

For example, having grown up mocked and belittled by his father, according to Donald Trump’s niece speaking about him (and confirmed by his sister), lying was common. She claims it was “primarily a mode of self-aggrandizement meant to convince other people he was better than he actually was.” Narcissists have been shown to lie on tests. However, when researchers subjected them to a polygraph test where being found out would reflect poorly on them, they didn’t lie, and their self-esteem scores declined markedly.

People usually think of “high self-esteem” is optimal. However, esteem that relies on others’ opinion is not self-esteem, but “other-esteem.” I…