How To Deal With Disappointment From Others
When you’re already disappointed in yourself.
I am not in the place I wanted to be when I turned 31 last month. I feel like a constant failure and it’s hard for me to move forward when the walls of disappointment are constantly erected in front of me.
For people like me, it takes a lot of energy to overcome these obstacles I put in front of myself. It takes an incredible amount of frustration to overcome these barriers of disappointment in myself. Some days I feel a little reprieve noticing the baby steps I take as explained in another piece of mine:
Unfortunately, even on days where I finally feel as if I can overcome my own obstacles, someone else steps in to erect the biggest mental and emotional obstacle of them all: their own disappointment in me.
Disappointment from myself is energy-draining, but disappointment from others, especially loved ones, is soul-crushing. It actually feels like a heavy weight pressing down on your chest that you cannot overcome. It isn’t just what they say either, it’s how they say it. Empaths like me analyze everything from their tone to their demeanor to paint the entire picture of how someone feels about me.
So how do I deal with it?
Give Myself Space
It’s not brand new information that people who feel soul-crushing disappointment from others will seclude themselves in a place of comfort to ease the pain. The extra breathing room allows me to focus on writing my brand of humor as a coping mechanism. Video games used to be my go-to escape, but I find myself never having time to pick up a controller anymore on top of not feeling the same accomplishments in the virtual world that I used to feel. They weren’t replacements for real accomplishments anyway and I ended up feeling even more empty.
Help Other People
You often see the most damaged people being the most helpful. We give the best advice because it comes from experience. Unfortunately, we often don’t follow our own advice. I help other people by writing humor. Seeing people’s reactions and making them laugh, knowing they’ve had a temporary reprieve by letting out a chuckle, helps me realize that I at least have some value to anyone. It’s a great feeling knowing you’ve made someone else’s day better from the depths of a dark pit of despair.
Make An Attempt To Find Value In Myself
The reason we put our lives on the internet is because of the basic human need for belonging. In order to feel like we belong, we need to feel accepted. We need to feel validated. We need approval from both our parents and our peers. I say “make an attempt” to find your own self-worth, because it’s not as easy as it sounds. You can light a small flame inside of you, but without others to fan it, it will stay dimly lit and weak.
Unfortunately, in life, we can’t please everyone. We can’t be the best at everything. We can’t always replicate the success of others. However, we can try our best to get through life. All we ask is for others to try not to make things harder for us mentally and emotionally then we already make it on ourselves.