Be Right….Or get what you want!!

I’ve been in my career now for nearly 17 years. One of my most loved (and hated) pieces of advice received was given to me by an executive early in my career. He said, “You can be right, or get what you want.” I was 23 and had no idea what he was talking about.

The advice was given to him through a trainer before I joined the company. I’ve searched high and low all over the internet and can’t find the trainer’s name, which is unfortunate, because I wanted to credit him for developing a phrase that has made me a better husband, father, friend, coach and business leader. Wherever you are, Mr. Trainer — thank you!

If you search for this phrase on the Internet, you will see there are similar types of advice out there, but I really like (and hate) this one the most. Wait a minute. How could I reference something I love and hate so much in the same breath? Easy. I learned early in my career to check my ego at the door, and to focus on the right things when dealing with conflict or building strong relationships. Please know that I say the word “hate” with a tinge of sarcasm, but in all sincerity, it can be tough to admit when you are wrong. That is why this can be so impactful for you. I still apply this advice daily and have shared it with many co-workers, clients, friends, even my wife. By adopting this advice and sharing it with others in my life, I have watched people improve how they build relationships and eliminate unnecessary conflict.

I have to be honest, though. When I first heard this piece of advice, I didn’t understand the fact that 99% of the time, you cannot have it both ways. You either can be right or get what you want. It wasn’t until a few years later after hearing this advice that the light bulb went on and everything clicked for me. I finally was able to apply this in my life, and it was awesome.

Let me provide you with a real world example. I provide customized consulting solutions to my clients, and I once had a customer who was looking for a very aggressive pricing model with the ability to convert my firm’s consultants to employees of his company without having a financial penalty imposed on him. Our business relationship was still in infancy stage, but we were building a strong foundation and I wanted to show him how I was different. To paint a clearer picture, my customer was very strong willed and felt that he was always right. Regardless if whether or not he actually was, he felt that he was right. This was a difficult request to accommodate, as we as a company were taking on the majority of the risk with his request, which would have us losing in the short run.

I asked myself — was it more important to “be right” and tell my customer that what he was asking for was unrealistic? What would I gain by saying that? Even if I thought I was right, what would I accomplish by saying that to him? OR was it more important for me “to get what I want,” by finding a creative solution that would make my customer happy while showing him how easy and flexible I could be to work with. Here is where I learned the power to win relationships and not deals. Oh yeah, almost forgot to tell you — this customer is still someone that I work with today after 10 years. Get my point?

There are many other areas of life where this advice can be applied. Can you think of the last time that you were in an argument or conflict with someone? What was the root of the discussion? I’m sure you were in the right, right? Or was it more about your ego and someone else’s? Let me be clear, I am not suggesting that we all should be door mats and give in when we face a situation that is difficult. I’m not. I’m extremely competitive and love to win. But I love to win people more by being myself through a genuine and authentic approach.

So, I am just asking you to think before you argue and get upset. I’ve found it will save you a lot of pain and angst in the future.

Please think about this advice — it has been very instrumental for me. I ask you to attempt to apply this in your personal and professional relationships. I am confident that you will see things from a different perspective, and also learn to check your ego at the door. You’ll learn to focus on the most important things, rather than worrying about if you were right or not.

I would love to hear from you. Click the heart or leave a comment as I would love to hear about how this phrase will help you as much as it has for me!!