14 things people say about February 14 ❤

Whether you’re single, committed, happy, or bitter — everyone has something to say about Valentine’s Day. Here are some quotes you’re likely to encounter, along with the types of people who are likely to blurt them.

(1) We don’t even make a big deal about it — it’s just another day to us.

• People with lazy boyfriends, who were sorely disappointed last year

(2) Soooooo, do you have any fun plans for V-Day?!

• Your nosy co-worker/hairstylist /waxer/cashier/dentist — (mind your business, people)

(3) Smile! Ok — ready? 1…2…3…Smile. Babe! Come on. Smile!

• Aggressive selfie photographers who have already spent the first 13 days of February crafting the perfect caption for this exact moment

(4) We’re just gonna do a girls night!

• Group of girls who don’t need a man and will spend the night chugging wine and furiously swiping through Tinder, only to get passive-aggressively enraged when they get the same matches as each other

(5) I don’t know what to get him!

• Girls who don’t like giving blow jobs

(6) Baby, you don’t have to get me anything.

• Guys who just want a blow job

(7) I cannot wait until Valentine’s Day is over.

• Me, eyeballing the soon-to-be-half-price bag of heart-shaped Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in the grocery store

(8) Fuck.

• Guys who wake up on February 14 and realize what day it is, before bee-lining to CVS

(9) What the fuck?

• Girls — to themselves — when they realize that their boyfriend bought them one of three teddy bears left on the shelf at the drugstore that morning

(10) My life is hell.

• Every staff member at every Cheesecake Factory

(11) The dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.

• Me, in unison with my Valentine’s-Day-Netflix binge (see: a normal Sunday night)

(12) That is SO sweet!

• Your best friend, lying to you about how “romantic” and “creative” it was for your boyfriend to propose on Valentine’s Day

(13) I’m glad I’m single!

• The same girls who fill their Pinterest boards with Marilyn Monroe quotes

(14) What ever happened to [ex-boyfriend-from-6-years-ago]?

• My mom, before making a wistful comment about her lack of grandchildren