Ghosting Makes Me Feel Crazy

Please just pretend to be busy forever

I’d like to think I have a lot of chill. Not about everything. Not about breaking rules or being late to a dinner reservation or being late in general or going to parties where I don’t know more than half the people or the first day of anything. So maybe not about a lot of things. But one thing I know I have a decent amount of “chill” in is dating.

Most of it has to do with my struggle to open up to people and my pursuit of casual relationships. I don’t like talking about my feelings. I’m bad at getting to know you over text. I don’t care if you have to reschedule on me. I don’t even care if you blow me off. If you laugh off queries to hang out in person. If you pretend to be busy three times in a row after a first date.

Just please, for the love of god, don’t ghost me.

Because being ghosted makes me feel like a crazy person. And not in the panic-attack inducing way that I’m used to.

Being ghosted makes me wonder if you got my message.

Did you see it? Did you see it and forget, because sometimes I do that and respond three days later. Should I remind you? Should I remind you now or in three days when maybe you’ll scroll through your texts and see my name and be like, oh, wait, fuck. Or should I wait for that day so you don’t see me becoming a crazy person? Because I don’t even like you enough to warrant how much I’m obsessing over this. It’s just that, well, did you die? Did you get kidnapped? Should I be worried?

Or is it me? Is it something I did?

Because I thought those few dates we had went pretty well. I mean they lasted over three hours each, and that feels like good signs, but maybe I don’t know what good signs look like? Because I don’t know how all the dating steps work. And if it’s me, if I’m the problem, I’d like to know for future reference or something. And if it’s not me, that’s cool too. If you’re just not interested. Or found someone else. Could you just like, maybe, please, let me know so I stop wondering and debating whether or not I should text you every other day? Because this kind of worrying is very unlike me and I have other things I should focus on. So can you just give me that closure and we’ll all move on?

And if you can’t reject me, because Millennials and confrontation, could you please just tell me you’re busy twice and not make any effort to reschedule for a third? I promise I’m pretty good at picking up on social cues.