Children in Beijing Rejoice as Schools Close for “Smog Day”
SCHOOOOOOOLLLLLLSSSSS OUTTTTTTT!!! It’s finally happened. The pollution levels in Beijing have hit such a catastrophic level (Red Alert. The first ever in China’s illustrious history of color coded pollution levels) that schools have closed, cars are being kept off the streets, and people are generally being encouraged to stay indoors.
My only question, what are the downsides here? I wish I were a kid in Beijing right now. Schools are closed? No cars on the streets? Adults losers who care about their health are staying indoors? Oooh, I smell something brewing. No, it’s not the incessant coal burning from the nearby chemical plant. It’s adventure.
I wish I could be out there in the streets with my crew of miscreants, making “smog balls’ to throw at unsuspecting passersby. In the spirit of the season, we’d build smog men out of the pollution that has solidified on the streets. We could even have a “coughing contest” to see who could hack the most polluted phlegm out of their damaged lungs. I know I’d be the winner. All my other friends wear masks like pussies. I drink in that red alert air like it’s candy. Hell, some of it are even thicker than candy!
I’ve seen a lot of “journalists” in the “news” making a big deal out of this “red alert”. Throwing around phrases like “the pollution index in some areas was 40 times higher than the World Health Organizations recommended levels”. Ha! Thanks for the recognition, WHO. I bet India wishes they could hit even hit 20 times the recommended level. The fact is, China is winning the pollution war, and all these weak, minor countries are chiding them out of simple fear and envy. You think Russia isn’t instructing all it’s citizens to start burning plastic, coal and rubber shoe soles immediately just to keep up? I hope you’re not that naive.
But, in spite of all the acclaim it’s garnered, it seems like China is now making efforts to actually curtail its record pollution achievement. For example, Beijing is has been using alternating day system of driving where only half the residents are allowed to drive on a particular day. I’d like to think that this merely has to do with avoiding traffic jams such as this one below, which are all too common in China.
I mean, how the heck can I make smog angels if there are cars clogging up all the good pavement? At least some people, like artist Brother Nut, are embracing the smog-ocalypse by making art out of this particle-inundated wonderland.
With these pollution levels becoming global news, I can’t help but wonder what poor children in places such as Mumbai, Los Angeles and Qatar are thinking right now.
“But pop pop, why do I have to go to school today? All the lucky children in Beijing have the day off!”
“Well Johnny, we as a country just didn’t burn enough fossil fuel this year. I blame that dang socialist Obama!”
“Let’s try harder next year daddy! I want to have smog days just like the Beijing boys!”
“If God is good, and we elect Donald Trump, then maybe, just maybe, you’ll get that smog day you deserve.”
Single tear rolls down pop-pop’s cheek
Article by Deven Das Bussey for Cultural Facts of the Day
