The Winner — part 6

(This is part 6. Click here for other parts: https://medium.com/nebulabyday)

Elijah had to use all his willpower not to throw his glass of whiskey against the wall. He stood 5 meters behind Janice in her suite. Janice was looking over the city and knew Elijah was angry. She allowed him his anger. She somehow knew Elijah would never show any sign of aggression towards her. Elijah was angry but he also knew that any display of anger towards Janice would result in something he didn’t want. He swallowed his anger and wondered how she was so powerful. It was not her posture, her demeanor, or her reputation that kept everyone composed and well-mannered around her. Last 20 years Janice hadn’t experienced any form of disrespect towards her. Not physical. Not verbal. Not blatant and not even subtle. She had something she couldn’t describe herself but knew everyone around her could read that something. As long as she had that something, she carried it with grace.

Elijah had to balance his anger with his composure and he did a good job. His self-image was one of the most important things to Elijah. Not for other people. For Elijah. He always remained proud when he could stay being ‘Elijah’ even if the world tried to turn him into someone else. Sometimes the world tried to turn him into someone aggressive. Into someone scared. Into someone who reacted like the world wanted him to react. But the moments he could fend off those attempts, he could feel how important it is to remain Elijah. He liked himself cool and calm. Now, in this room with Janice, he had great difficulty balancing his emotions and his desired self-image.

“So you finally found me?” teased Janice. “I expected you sooner, but I’m still impressed.”

Elijah said nothing because he knew she was teasing him. He waited for Janice to answer why he was here.

Janice turned around and calmly looked Elijah right in his eyes. This was the first time she looked at someone who respected her but didn’t fear her. She admired it. Respect mixed with fear was never a pure form of respect. The absence of fear in Elijah’s eyes meant the respect was pure. It was more than respect. It was reverence. Elijah was intuitive enough to know when a person deserved to be revered. His mind didn’t know why Janice should have this kind of respect, but he knew he had to listen to his gut.

Janice spoke slowly with long pauses between her sentences: “I have waited for a contestant like you, Elijah. You have to understand that I can’t let you go now. I know you want to leave and pick up your life. But I am here to help you.”

A confused Elijah asked: “How is this helping me? I won everything by my own power and I want to leave on my own terms.”

Janice: “Your own terms? Do you even know your own terms?”

Elijah: “Yes, I came to win and I won a great deal.”

Janice: “You didn’t win, Elijah. You just answered some questions correctly.”

Elijah: “Sounds like winning to me.”

Janice: “Are you sure?”

Elijah: “I know you have a different way of looking at this whole ‘winning’ concept. But let’s keep our differences to ourselves. Just give me what I have earned and deserve. I want to leave this show. Whatever your view on ‘winning’ is, that view is not mine.”

Janice took a deep breath. She actually agreed with Elijah. She knew that from Elijah’s perspective Elijah was a complete person. But Janice saw in Elijah what Elijah couldn’t see in himself. Elijah was the first person in many years that Janice had encountered with a gift so great that it took her by surprise. She never thought of finding someone again with such a gift. And here he was right in front of her, arguing about having reached his limit. Even though she was surprised and delighted to find a talent like Elijah, she wouldn’t show him how her discovery made her feel. It was not appropriate for where they were in the conversation.

Janice: “Answering questions is winning to you?”

Elijah: “To everyone, Janice. It’s that simple.”

Janice: “Before you came on this show you knew you would have more answers than anybody. You are smart. You have all the answers. Participating in a game with all the answers. Doesn’t sound like winning to me.”

Elijah: “What would you call it?”

Janice: “I wouldn’t even give it a name or the slightest amount of my attention. To you and me these questions are nothing. Not a factor in our existence. This is easy. Answering them is not a challenge to you. It is not a thing in your world. This didn’t take you any effort. This was no match for what you are capable of. Don’t talk to me about winning. This was nothing.”

Elijah: “But it is still my choice to call it enough.”

Janice: “You keep disappointing me, Elijah. What are you winning?”

Elijah knew deep inside that Janice was right. She spoke the truth but he didn’t like the power she had over him. Even though he agreed with her words, he wanted nobody to have a say in his choices.

Elijah: “I don’t want to have this conversation, Janice. I know you are right but I just want to leave. It’s what I want. I don’t want to fulfill what you think is hidden potential.”

Janice: “Your choice is an illusion. Do you think you can walk out of here and be Elijah? You think you can live knowing you actually haven’t won anything?”

Elijah: “It is my illusion and I want to decide.”

Janice: “No. And that’s final. It is my choice, Elijah. You don’t have one. The questions we gave you were not the game you signed up for. This is the game you signed up for. Now you are playing the game and I just gave you the first question you can’t answer. Even though it is not an actual question, you know you have to search for an answer to all of this.”

Elijah: “You can’t trap me inside your show.”

“Are you telling me what I can’t while I am doing exactly what I can’t?” Janice asked, now visibly amused.

Elijah: “I am not telling you. I will show you I can’t be trapped. I will not ask you. I’m just giving you the chance to handle this the right way.”

An even more amused Janice: “I would say that sounds inspiring if I wouldn’t know it was impossible.” Janice saw Elijah thinking of ways to get out of all of this and confronted him again: “you signed the same contract, so you know what we’re doing here is legal. There is no escape.”

Elijah felt defeated not knowing how long Janice would let him win. He was tired of winning. He was tired of Janice. Janice got to him and for the first time, he was challenged with a situation he didn’t have a solution to.

“How about my private life and things I have to take care of?” asked Elijah with his spirit as low as possible.

“You can’t leave the building as we agreed. You are allowed to pay your bills with the money you earned. We’ve arranged an accountant and lawyer who will take care of all your legal and financial needs while you are ‘trapped’ in this show. You are allowed to make payments and buy things you love. After all, you earned all that money. But be very careful. I am tracking all your outgoing communication. Any sign of transgression against what we agreed upon in your contracts and there will be repercussions. Don’t try to make payments with hidden messages or try to receive messages from the outside. I will personally monitor all your transactions for any subliminal messages in them.”

“What am I allowed to buy?” Asked Elijah.

“We haven’t discussed that in your contract so feel free. I will not limit you to anything you want to buy. By now you can have any luxury sedan, penthouse, or even person you desire. Anything you fancy at this moment?” asked Janice playfully and teasing.

“Freedom would be nice.” Answered a sarcastic Elijah knowing he would not get that.

“I’ll get you catalogs for cars, suits, and watches. Start getting used to a new Elijah. Stop thinking so small. You are going to need a new Elijah to win this new game.”

“Is there even an escape from this game?” asked Elijah.

“You are smart. Stop seeking answers on freedom from the one who would never grant it to you. From the one who took it from you. I am not your friend. Friends would help you solve this. My only concern is my show.”

Elijah just stood still and had to let everything sink in. He thought Janice would give him some outlook on his escape but the situation only got worse. He now also knew that the one holding the key to his freedom was not a friend. He stared at the ground in disbelieve and felt incredibly tired.

Janice slowly walked towards him and Elijah looked up at her. He was confused at how he perceived her. Her actions were clearly evil but her energy felt familiar. Not good or comforting. Just familiar. Janice put a hand on his shoulder and guided the disoriented Elijah towards the door of her suite.

“Stop looking at me for answers.”

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