The Sixth Step to Climate Resilience

The One Where They Keep Resilience Professionals in Mind

In celebration of Fossil Fools Day 2022 (yes, it’s a real thing), I’m delighted to share with you the most ground-breaking research in the field of climate resilience. It’s guaranteed to make you rethink your general views about climate change adaptation, hopefully make you laugh, and most importantly, inspire you to take some action on Fossil Fools Day 2022 (I swear, I did not make this holiday up — though, I wish I did).

Ladies and gentlemen, friends and enemies, humans and non-humans alike, I present to you:

The Sixth Step to Climate Resilience — complete and total Acceptance.

The Sixth Step to Climate Resilience keeps the resilience managers, practitioners, and other invaluable individuals working tirelessly in the field of climate adaptation and resilience in mind.

I mean seriously, one person, or team of people, can only Explore, Assess, Investigate, Prioritize & Plan, and Take Action so many times before one must cross firmly into the Sixth Step to Climate Resilience — complete and total Acceptance.

Seriously, just imagine it -

1. Explore Hazards
2. Assess Vulnerability and Risk
3. Investigate Options
4. Prioritize & Plan
5. Take Action
   …
6. complete and total Acceptance

Essentially, the Sixth Step to Climate Resilience just accepts the “benefits” of climate change, giving those of us who care enough to try a reason to sleep better at night.

Seriously, if we know what’s going to happen we may as well prepare and make the best of it, right?

Well, even if it’s just for today — Fossil Fools Day 2022 — I invite you to imagine your wine glass half full and approach this as an opportunity rather than a disaster. Here are a few of the things that I’ve learned to accept and embrace in the Sixth Step to Climate Resilience.

Climate change may make wine taste…even better.

It’s true.

Wine is delicious, suspicious, and arguably nutritious and warming temperatures actually have the potential to launch the beverage to a new level.

Seriously, according to the experts, some varieties of this aromatic aperitif are “becoming more velvety and full with every degree uptick.” Not only will it taste better, but higher temperatures have shown to increase grape sugar concentrations and lead to higher wine alcohol level. Do you see where I’m going with this?…

We can also anticipate European countries like Germany and Belgium, previously known for their engrained beer culture, to enter the wine industry with much success.

Tastier, boozier wines and even more country varieties to choose from… it’s a pretty thin silver lining, but a silver lining none the less.

We can look forward to seeing more armadillos in Western North Carolina.

Seriously, these cute, armored creatures are migrating northward due to climate change. There have already been 89 sightings in North Carolina and it’s really only a matter of time before we can consider having one at The Collider as a pet. Kidding — that’s completely illegal.

This migration is occurring in real time and the N.C. Wildlife Resources Commission could actually use some help keeping track of the armadillo’s progression into North Carolina. They’re requesting that the public report any sightings here.

Confirmed armadillo sighting locations across North Carolina as of April 1, 2022.

Researchers say there is no need to fear the animal’s human-induced progression into the Tar Heel state.

Just welcome our new roly-poly like friends with open…

arms?

paws?

…claws! Welcome our new friends with open claws.

And for those who may already be considering the opportunities that this may present in the culinary arts, just take a little inspiration from the great state of Texas and check out these ~adventurous~ southern recipes:

• Smoked Chorizo Armadillo Eggs
• Spring Hill Ranch’s Armadillo Turds
• Armadillo Stew

…or maybe don’t do that, as improperly cooked wild armadillos have been known to spread leprosy and that is not part of our resilience plan.

Finally, heavy rain, flooding, and erosion has begun to unearth coffins.

An integral part of Acceptance includes exhausting all options, thinking outside of the box, and exploring any and all opportunities or possibilities for the future — no matter how absurd.

Extreme rainfall and subsequent flooding events have created an incredibly unfortunate case of floating coffins in Louisiana as floods clear out cemeteries; and an arguably more unfortunate case of raining coffins in Italy after a landslide pushed about 200 coffins right off a cliff and into the Ligurian Sea.

Now, I recognize that I’ve created a horrible visual depiction here (although I have also heard the alternative opinion that “floating coffins are rad,” and in the name of complete and total Acceptance — to each their own). But, I’ll just leave you with this thought on Fossil Fools Day 2022 — cemeteries are flat plots of land that are especially under-valued in large crowded cities. Cleared out flat land is more or less perfectly prepared for the development of low density McMansions and strip malls with ample parking. As part of the sixth step to resilience, I argue we just accept our losses and embrace the clearly sarcastic opportunity for further urban expansion.

If this has in any way inspired you to take action on Fossil Fools Day 2022, here are a few fun ideas of things you can do:

Take inspiration from this New York City artist who got a tattoo on his arm that depicts the increasing average surface temperature over the past few decades.

Join this group of climate change activists and get a tattoo that represents the concentration of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere the year you were born. I would get “362<” for the year I was born and you can check yours here.

Make plans for Earth Day! Earth Day is coming up on April 22, 2022. You can schedule or join a cleanup in your community. There are events scheduled in all of the above locations!

Happy Fossil Fools Day!