Manmaya Rai

Utica, NY

Manmaya Rai came to the US a year ago with her family as a part of the refugee resettlement program. She is currently learning English at the refugee center and taking care of her grandchild.

“भुटान हामी १९९२ मा निस्केको, म २० वर्षको हुँदा। ९२ तिर बिग्रियो भुटान, डर माथि डर जहिले पनि, आर्मी ले भेट्टाउला भनेर। बिना कसूर पक्रिने, जेलमा हाल्ने, पिट्ने गर्न थालेपछि त भाग्नु परेन? जन्मभूमि भएको भएर अझै पनि याद आउँछ। त्यो डांडाकाँडा, खोलानाला, पाखापर्बत बिर्सन सकिदैंन। नेपालमा बसेको भएर नेपालको पनि याद आउँछ। तर हामी नेपालमा campमा hutमा बस्यौं, धेरै दुख पायौं। हावा पानीले घर उडाईहाल्ने। कहिल्यै ठेगान नहुने।”

(“We left Bhutan in 1992, when I was 20 years old. Bhutan went bad in 92 — constant fear that the army might find us. When they arrest you, jail you and beat you for no reason, what other option is there but to run away? It is my motherland so I still remember it. You cannot forget those hills, rivers and greenery. I remember Nepal as well. But in Nepal, we lived in huts in the camp. We suffered a lot. The hut would be blown away with wind and rain, it was never permanent.”

“हामी अनपढ थियौं, लेखपढ गर्न केहि थिएन। हाम्रोलागि बोल्न सक्ने सबै अमेरिका आएपछि हामी त्यहाँ बसेर के काम? हामीलाई कसले हेर्छ?”

(“We were illiterate, there was nothing to learn to read and write. When all the people who could speak for us left for America, what would we do staying there? Who would look after us?”)

“अमेरिकामा चाहिं दुख भोग्नु परेको छैन। पानी परे छाना बाट चुहिएला भन्ने छैन। पढ्दै छु refugee centerमा, बच्चामा पढ्न पाइएन अहिले पढ्न पाएको छु। पांच बर्ष सम्म पढ्न पाएँ भने १० बर्ष मा काम गर्छु भन्ने आशा छ। त्यति चाहिं गर्छु म।”

(“We have not had to suffer here. Even when it rains, we do not need to worry about the ceiling leaking. I am studying at the refugee center. I did not get to learn as a child and I am getting to do it now. If I get to learn for 5 years, in 10 years, I hope I will be able to get a job. I want to do that much.”)

“हामी त अब पहिले खेतमा काम गर्ने लाटा मान्छे भयौं, यहाँ घरकै बाटोमा ल्याएर राख्दा समेत कहाँ आयौं थाहा नहुने! आफ्नै दैलो पनि नचिनिने! अझ पहिले ते अमेरिकामा त बाटोमा थुक्न पनि हुदैन रे, क्यामेराले खिच्छ अनि देख्छन अनि policeले लान्छ भनेर एक दिन त प्लास्टिकमा थुकेर घरमा ल्याएर फालें! पछि पछि बुझ्दै जाँदा त त्यति गाह्रो त छैन रहेछ।”

(“We were stupid people who worked in farms. Here, even when they drop us at our lane, we don’t even know where we are! Cannot even recognize our own doorway! Especially in the beginning, they told me you cannot even spit outside in America, the cameras will click it and the police will come to take you away. So one day I spit in a plastic bag to bring it home and throw it away! Slowly as I understood more, it turned out not to be that difficult.”

“आफ्नो आफ्नो भाषा बोल्न पाइएको छ। उनीहरुको भाषामा गाह्रो भएको त्यसको लागि पढ्दै छु। अंग्रेजी सिक्दैछु। पहिले त classमा ठहरै भएँ! हेरी बस्थें। सुन्छु, केहि बुझ्दिन! फेरी सुन्छु, फेरी बुझ्दिन! अहिले त अलिअलि आउंछ। घोटयाई घोटयाई पढाएपछि त आउँदो रहेछ नि! त्यति गाह्रो लागेको छैन, लेख्न नजाने पनि बोल्न अलिअलि फर्काउन जानेको छु। काम पाएन भने चाहिं साह्रो हुन्छ।”

(“We have been able to speak our own language. It has been difficult with their language, but I am learning for that. I am learning English. Initially I was stunned in class. I would listen, and not understand anything. Listen again, still not understand anything! Now I can speak a little bit. If you beat it hard enough, apparently you learn! I have not been finding it that difficult, even if I cannot write, I can answer back some. If I don’t get a job, then it will be difficult.”)

“घर त जहाँ बस्यो त्यही घर हो नि। भूमि भुटान थियो त्यो गयो, नेपालमा झाडु लाएर बसेको त्यो पनि घर भयो। अमेरिकामा घर अब! तर यहाँ त घर भन्दैन apartment भन्छ खै!”

(“Home is wherever you live. Motherland was Bhutan, that went away. In Nepal, we stayed sweeping with brooms but that became a home too. America is home now! But here, they don’t say home, they say apartment!”)

“भुटान देखि पाहुना खाँदै खाँदै यहाँ आइपुगियो, अब अन्तिम यहीं होला।”

(“We have made it here being guests here and there since Bhutan, this might be the last home.”)