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Jennie Josephson
Stories told in audio form, but words are my first love.

Suicide Squad spoiler storm

Because there’s no way to do this on Twitter…

Squad Goals
  1. How I know I’ve just seen a good movie…
  2. I walk out of the theater and feel like I can take on the world.
  3. This happened after the first “Avengers” movie, “Star Trek” (‘09 & Beyond), and of course “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”)
  4. I walked out of “Suicide Squad” with a headache.
  5. First the good…
  6. Will Smith should play amorally compromised character at least every other movie.
  7. Margot Robbie in all the things…before Hollywood decides she’s too old next year.
  8. Flame guy ruled…character/motivation/arc all tracked.
  9. Boomerang was fun…
  10. Crocodile guy just wanted a cheeseburger and some TV and that was cool.
  11. Viola Davis plays a badass, unapologetic, black women who men in power listen to and respect. (Which in movies, is sadly almost as mythical as a half-crocodile guy.)
  12. Look what happens when you let someone else write and direct — SOMETIMES IT’S FUNNY.
  13. Side order: Please send EP Zack Snyder on a nice long vacation to a Club Med. He needs some sunshine.
  14. Favorite best thing: One scene where everyone gets to sit around in a bar and get to know each other. At least we know you watched “Avengers.”
  15. And now the bad.
  16. Hey, was that the Flash? I couldn’t tell. It was all moving SO FAST.
  17. Ironic that a movie about a squad of villains is undone by its central villain…
  18. …who is mad because, idk, we all use our iPhones too much?
  19. The Enchantress could have been pretty rad.
  20. There is great storypotential in her dueling personalities, but it’s squandered.
  21. Who is her brother? Why does he get to just show up and wreck shit?
  22. Who are these weird stone/mud people? A two-year old with some Barbies and a newly-paved driveway could have built more convincing evil henchmen.
  23. Didn’t we learn you can’t have “MAGIC ENERGY LIGHTNING” as a villain all the way back in Ang Lee’s Hulk movie?
Remember Nick Nolte in the Hulk 2003? No?

24. To paraphrase my husband’s college acting teacher Alan Wade, there is an acting pool, and Joel Kinnaman is drowning in it.

25. It was as if ALL the emotion he kept locked inside while shooting “The Killing” just came vomiting out in “Suicide Squad.”

26. Like dude, I’m sorry your nice girlfriend is a demonic witch half the time. But STOP CRYING.

27. Oh, are we in a jail in New Orleans? This situation demands “House of the Rising Sun” — no need think any deeper than that, case closed, everybody go home. (Repeat this mistake for the rest of this movie.)

28. Dear people who wrote this Joker. You cannot bogart the feelings we all had about previous Jokers…

29. Especially ones played by Heath Ledger…to make this Joker interesting. You have to start at the beginning and earn it all over again.

30. When you rescue your “high value target” from the stone/mud people, and achieve that mission…

31. …you cannot ask us to care when our team has to do the exact same thing five minutes later.

32. Dear DC/Warner Bros: Remember how much the internet hated finding out about Aquaman in an email attachment?

33. Seeing him in a printed secret file IS NOT AN IMPROVEMENT.

34. OK, now back to the good.

35. I CAN’T WAIT FOR WONDER WOMAN!

36. BECAUSE THAT TRAILER LOOKED AMAZING!

37. AND NO MOVIE HAS EVER HAD A GREAT TRAILER & THEN BEEN…

38. Damnit.