How do you have to improve your soft skills?

You probably think that in this article I will teach any person to develop their soft skills so that they become a top manager or head of a team. But this is not the case. How we should develop our soft skills is very individual. Depending on the person, we must use different approaches and exercises. For example, people who are closed by nature, that is, introverts should put in more effort to develop their soft skills. Or rather, introverts, extroverts, and ambiverts should make efforts to improve various social skills.

Extroverts most often have problems with the ability to listen, to convey their point of view without unnecessary emotions. Ambiverts most often have problems with insecurity and fear of their objectivity. Introverts face an excessive lack of communication and limited contact.

So, what should I do?

Let’s divide the practical tips for developing soft skills into three groups. determine which group you belong to. Then use the appropriate advice.

You can use this resource to check your type of mentality: https://ideas.ted.com/quiz-are-you-an-extrovert-introvert-or-ambivert/

Extrovert

First of all, you need to maintain your status as an outgoing and active person. Your horizons should be broad, but not deep. Read more books. If you, like me, are not very fond of books, read short articles or watch videos. Broaden your horizons and you can always support any conversation.

Also, learn to listen to the person. Try the following exercise. When you talk to someone, if you want to insert a line, catch yourself at such moments and do not hold back. Remember the question you wanted to ask and keep it in your head. Let the person get their point across. Let me tell you one secret — the most successful people listen, not speak.

Show interest in what the other person is saying. Ask more questions rather than complement his speech. The questions you ask should be open-ended. Do not disturb the person with your gestures, keep your hands below the eyes of the interlocutor. Do not be distracted unless the situation requires it (it is worth looking around when crossing the road, but do not look into the clouds while your colleague talks about how he spent his time on the weekend).

Smile. Seriously, a slight smile always makes a person more open to you. You should not approach a person with a wide back — this can put him in the position of a victim. Do not increase your size artificially, from the point of view of psychology, your colleague will perceive this as an attempt at domination.

And remember that an extrovert is already a sociable and energetic person by nature. Your task is to balance this. The extrovert listener is a great future leader. Such people can be inspiring while being a friend to you.

Ambiverts

Ambiverts are people floating. More often than not, this is the middle between extroverts and introverts. Sometimes they prefer to withdraw into themselves, and sometimes they radiate more energy from them than from a football fan. Your job will be to make those around you feel you. Impermanence can be frightening.

Try to create a consistent way of communicating with colleagues and friends. To do this, use a simple exercise — more practical. If there is an opportunity to go to the balcony during a break, go out, even if you do not smoke. If you are made an offer to go to a party, do not rush to immediately refuse because of insecurity or good manners. Give yourself a pause of 5 seconds, that’s okay. Think before responding to different suggestions.

One thing that can help a lot to improve your soft skills if you are an ambivert is public speaking! Practice with your family or friends first. You can even try to visualize your presentation in your head while you commute to work on public transport. Then take the initiative. Your task is to learn to put yourself in unacceptable situations. This will help your social skills develop quickly. This way you can get a lot of experience.

You can also use the exercises that I recommend for both extroverts and introverts. In principle, all the tips in this article are not clearly directed. You can apply any of them.

Introverts

To develop various soft skills, such as team management, empathy, the ability to resolve conflicts, you must be able to communicate with people. However, this does not mean that you should become everyone’s friend. Try to perceive each person as a source of something interesting, as a valuable experience that you may never be able to get again.

One exercise I can recommend is to highlight a few positive traits in your coworker. Then, in your spare time, ask him about it. Nothing opens people up like asking about their interests or their good points. If you notice that a colleague has a very interesting hairstyle, mark it for yourself. Then ask which hairdresser he goes to.

Look at the behavior model of introverted people, who are famous at the same time and cannot do without the attention of society. Take a look at Keanu Reeves, one of the most popular introverts. A good lesson to learn from watching him is to be yourself. He is not afraid of himself and his simple image. Keanu can safely walk in the park and eat a hot dog next to you on the bench. But most importantly, he is the same in public.

A good exercise you can use is making faces in front of a mirror! Really, try it! At first, you will think that this is stupid. However, don’t stop and keep making faces in the mirror. Thus, you get used to the unusual interlocutor. Also, you develop facial muscles, which indirectly affects your charisma, and therefore — communication with people.

General Tips

Pay attention to your interlocutor. If you are communicating with a colleague and at this time someone is trying to interrupt or interrupt your conversation — do not let this happen. Say, “Now I will finish with Dave and then we can deal with your question” or “Max tells me a very interesting thing, I would like to listen to him.” This makes the person you are talking to feel valuable.

Don’t speak negatively. Speak in a positive way. From a psychological point of view, if you initially assume rejection, you are more likely to be rejected. Instead of saying “Mary, are you busy right now?”, It is better to use “Mary, can you help me please?”

Let’s understand the person with whom you are talking, that you listen to him and hear him. Nod your head, nod harder at statements that are especially true in your opinion. This way your colleague can understand that he is not talking to the wall.

Also, never allow yourself to make fun of others in a new team. However, you can joke about yourself. This will show you only the best side. In general, people who know how to joke about themselves are very respected in the team.

Name. When meeting a person, be sure to remember his name. In order not to forget it immediately, concentrate all your attention on this process. The first thing you should think about when meeting a new person is their name, not their clothes or appearance. To make it easier to remember the name — be sure to repeat it when you meet. These techniques help me a lot. As an example:

— Hi, my name is Kirill.

— Hey. and my name is Jame.

— Nice to meet you, Jame. Listen, Jame, what do you think about today’s weather?

Conclusion

Finally, I would like to share with you a couple of books that can help you. Catch The List From Me:

Erich Fromm — The Art of Loving

Erich Maria Remarque — Three Comrades

Dale Сarnegie — How to Win Friends

Add me on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kirill-shelipov-b8ab461a2/