Poem: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
Back when I first moved to my college campus, I found it a little weird and jarring to be walking around this gigantic place at 4am and have it be more or less completely empty. I got a little freaked out after a bit and went back to my dorm room, but not before writing this poem down. It’s not perfect, and I plan to come back to it someday and refine/edit it, but for now, I thought it was worth sharing.
I walk alone, all by myself
My thoughts unread like books on shelves
Leafing through, one more pops up
A drop in my half empty cup
A mantra from times long gone by
Of progress, loved or vilified
But now it has a different tone
Late at night, when I’m alone
— -
One step forward, two steps back
On every street and sidewalk crack
I hear the sounds in hidden thoughts
Stars are scattered, night is wrought
I quickly step to test the sound
The echo’s stimuli rebound
Dark and silent is the eve
But I’m alone, I think (believe?)
One step forward, two steps back
A leafy wind down twilight’s track
The snips and snaps of fallen leaves
Might now be some weapons’ sheathes
I keep on going, pace by pace
The steps repeating sting like mace
The silent gloom has now been hacked
One step forward, two steps back
Fast and slower, I change speed
To prove to prison that I’m freed
The jail cell of the dusk moon’s bars
Eclipsed by steps and honks of cars
Alight with fright, I start to sprint
And back there did I see a glint?
My psyche races more than me
And echoed steps seem to agree
With two steps back to my step forward
I manufacture my own horror
To think that I am being followed
In streets this safe and grounds this hallowed
Shake it off, I try to say
It’s just mere hours until day
But abashed upon an aural shore
One step back for my step forward
Stop, then start, then stop again
Try to trick my (made-up?) friend
Have I gone crazy, out of whack?
One step forward, two steps back
The frequencies are very slick
Caustic, even, acoustics
The bounce around and ricochet
Through each and every, any way
One step forward, two steps back
Its waves crush me like fresh tarmac
A rumbling comes from far across
I want to go, just at what cost?
A thunderclap, incepting storm
The peaceful sky is now malformed
What was that? A tap, a strain
The soundscape bellows down a drain
Down into a rotting sewer
Leading straight to my pursuer
I try to climb back to the known
But down here, fear has built a home
Climbing out, the sound still writhes
Screeching, waiting to subside
Yearning for its grand attack
One step forward, two steps back
I walk again, without a goal
The repetitions fill a hole
Silence knows all bounds, yet none
Its implications I must shun
One step forward, two steps back
Forcing out like Ipecac
It overwhelms without a trace
I see and feel and hear its face
The steps begin to get much louder
Booming fast, a gun’s black powder
They rapidly fill my radars
Heaving, hulking, fat quasars
I run and jump to get away
No respite from the fear or flay
Abruptly, like a slamming door
One step back for my step forward
The jagged noise just turned to dust
Who can I call, who do I trust?
Walking anew, I birth distract
One step forward, two steps back
Worried, I think of books I’ve read
Recalling chapters in my head
Obliterate my panicked worries
That circle me in darting flurries
“Chi dara fin al gran dolore?”
A question from a text of yore
“The hour’s pass,” answer intact
One step forward, two steps back
Now fed up, I race away
What’s going on’s now clear as day
A man is there, advancing closer
Demon, convict, rapist, ghost or…
I glance around in solitary
My senses prove my thought contrary
Or so I hope, or so I think
Bushes rustle, on the brink
The end is near, salvation’s nigh
Adrenaline and danger high
To give up now is all but death
Was that another person’s breath?
I leave the area in fright
To places, mornings, hopef’ly bright
To reminisce means scares inhered
Of what might have been, could have appeared
Was it a man with plans of harm,
Or just my brain in red alarm?
I swear I heard in all that black
One step forward, two steps back
—
At midnight, or a close-by hour
I’m drowned by mem’ries in a shower
I stare out my window to the street
And see a gleam, I hear the feet
I’ll never know quite what there was
Endless my mental canvas draws
I can’t forget, I’ll never lack
One step forward, two steps back
Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed it, please let me know somewhere online; I really appreciate the responses and feedback. If you want to see more from this author (me!), follow @jacobisaboy on Twitter. If you want to see more from Nerdboy Productions, follow us here, or on Facebook and Twitter @nerdboysocial.
