Planned Ignoring is Still Neglect
Planning to do it in advance does not make it evidence-based or helpful
Planned ignoring
Planned ignoring is intentionally disregarding another person’s feelings and experience. It is unkind, invalidating, and harmful to the relationship.
This is very different from taking a moment to let emotions cool. Using regulation strategies and giving each other time before returning with cooler heads can be highly effective without being dismissive.
Ignoring, on the other hand, conveys lack of concern for someone’s feelings simply because we do not like their behaviour. This is problematic for many reasons.
Firstly, this assumes the acting out is intentional and attention-seeking. So-called “misbehaviour” is really stress behaviour, and is a sign the person is lacking skills or capacity needed for that particular situation.
When someone’s behaviour is maladaptive or harmful, it is communicating something: usually that they feel scared, unhappy, anxious, or uncomfortable.
“The behaviour is just the signal… If caregivers are focused only on modifying behaviour, then all they’re modifying is the signal. But they’re not solving any of the problems that are causing the signal.” — Dr. Ross…
