After Releasing the Diseased Feelings Part 2
Update on previous post: I’ve taken some valium, meditated and calmed my mind…I was half tempted to not post the previous article but then that would be inauthentic to myself and you all because that’s how I felt in that moment;
1. I need to take accountability for my own feelings and whenever I’m struggling I can’t blame my parents.
2. I chose to come to Serbia without doing any research and it’s the lack of human interaction that’s driving me to insanity..my parents didn’t say ‘Go to Serbia’ they would always unconditionally allow me back home no matter how much I rant rage publicly and to them directly.
3. What about all the great things I achieve? The fact I live in financial abundance and only work when I feel like it or I’m bored..is that trauma too?
4. I’ve been homeless and living out of a suitcase from country to country and not got any stability… that’s contributing to my insanity.
5. There’s a housing crisis in London and it was Brexit rules that meant I had to leave France. How is that their fault?
6. My local bakery is not a French Boulangerie and their food is awfulnso that’s definitely childhood trauma too.
7. The life I live like a trust fund child who only works when she wants routine or stability and not having a financial lack mindset..lets blame them for that too.
8. It was my back pain coming back after three months being pain free that contributed me to have a breakdown – I spent a year in severe chronic pain and any sign of it coming back brings back Fear.
9. Its a midlife crisis just happened a little earlier for me, it happens to the best of us those that weren’t neglected so just accept it and know this too shall pass.
10. I’m not eating properly as the food here is awful (heightened by how I was spoilt in France) and then I go work out and I’m lethargic…thats my parents fault too.
I had a bad day that’s all, the grisly grey clouds will soon pass and the sun will be shining and I’ll be ok. I’ll now order a take way and watch some Korean tv series and take comfort in that there’s only 10 more days here.
I’m an overly dramatic person and my emotions and feelings are always overpowered by logic and rationale but I’m working on it.
Ps. I’ve got Fifi by my side so I can’t say I’m alone we are in this together and we will win.
