Disappear
Just to be found again
That feeling to be lost in emptiness.
That urge to disappear lies deep in my heart,
To be lost in the darkness and move to distance afar,
Nothing that i truly wish for is there left to be found,
Let's move to a place where there are no similar faces to be found.
Truth lies in the fact that i truly want to be found,
Not everything i am asking, just that one to be around,
I want there to be a home where who waits for me is you,
You are the only one I want to come back running home to.
That urge to disappear,
I think most of us are familiar with that urge.
The days when we wake up with that heart pounding, gut wrenching unbearable pain and all we want is just someone to be there just to say it's okay,
And we realize that there is no one,
No one to save you, no one to lift you up, no one to pat your back, no one who cares, no one who bears that same pain with you or atleast acts as a catalyst who helps you stand back up on your feet so that you can fight it.
It is that very moment you realize that all that you have in your life are faces, faces that exist but are not real, faces that are visible but fake, faces who show up every goddamn day except the one you need them the most.
Who promises you the world but fails to even stay for you just at the moment of need.
There are always reasons why they couldn't be there, or should i rather call them excuses.
Ask yourself are you that busy all the time, is it that you leave a friend to suffer when you know they are, and peacefully continue with work.
But that very thing happens to you and the very same person turns their back only to return when the storm has settled.
It is these moments of truth that make you realize that those you think of as your friends, you only exist as a resource to them.
This is the day you realize that all these emotions of love, friendship, affections are fake, and the only reason someone stays with you for whatever amount of time is for value, what value you provide.
Not every resource is physical, you can be used as a shoulder to lean upon, an escape from the world for them, a temporary source of attention and affection.
This is the time you suddenly feel destroyed and all that comes to your mind is just to disappear so that you can know if there really is someone who will come looking after me if i did get lost.
After All that urge to disappear is actually the urge to be found,
To be found by someone who loves you,
To be found by someone who wants you,
To be found by someone who needs you.
You don't really want to get lost to stay away from everyone, you just want to that among all these faces is there truly someone who actually loves you without any use of you.
The one who doesn't judge you, the one who wants you for who you are and not for what you are.
And let me tell you a secret, all of us just want that one person to show up and not everyone.
Just a little effort from that person is the only thing you need,
All your pain is gone, your happiness is restored, you learn to smile again, you are ready to fight again.
Love has that kind of power to it, it can heal the wounds that never were possible to cure.
But all those of us relating to this, i have one simple question for you,
Have you been that person for someone, who acted as a support when someone needed out of no selfish desire, if you have not than you also don't deserve to complain,
And if you have and still not had that luxury from someone else,
Just let me tell you my friend,
You are a part of that God’s Great Plan…
Until next time
Your own
Ankit Jha
@thecommonthoughts
