Finally Finding Acceptance and Forgiveness Towards My Parents
Harbouring resentment was only creating pain for me…
For those of you that have ‘followed’ or read many of my posts — you’ll realise that I’d had been harbouring a lot of anger and resentment towards my parents for over 20 years (only unravelled during therapy) for the childhood emotional abuse and neglect (my mother was verbally abusive and my father just hid at work).
Since I started therapy, understood and appreciated ‘high emotional awareness’ and ‘empathy’ it was clear that neither of my parents possessed both.
My mother is riddled with anxiety, low self-esteem and judgement of others, and my father has the fear of being back in poverty (despite being ‘rich’ he refuses to sell his properties or stop working even though he is 70 or enjoy his wealth)- his childhood was that of a refugee crossing over to the Pakistani side and then arriving to England in his thirties with only the clothes on his back. These are their unconscious self beliefs that can’t be changed and I’ve had enough therapy and self-healing that I can accept them as they are and end my suffering.
If a 5-year old child upset me, I would not have sleepless nights because I know they lack emotional intelligence and unaware of their actions and the consequences of them. By the same logic holding grudges against my parents is only causing suffering in me — it’s me that’s so stubborn and stuck in a country (Serbia) where I don’t want to be right now.
I know if I get a flight home tomorrow, that my parents would welcome me home with open arms in their luxurious home — oh how I miss my bedroom and my duck goose duvet, my mother cooking my favourite food everyday (in her own way she is trying to apologise for her not being there for me as a child)…the glass conservatory, the huge garden, and just luxury I was raised with and luxury I’m deprived of in Serbia.
Despite me slandering them on Facebook, to other members of the family and confronting them over and over again ‘they just let it go’…maybe because they don’t feel emotions but whatever the reason, ‘they let it go’ and there’s only one person that suffers here and that’s me because I don’t let go and accept the past and its time to let go of the anger and resentment and be more empathetic.
It’s taken a long time to get here, and I’m not saying I’m booking a one way flight back to their home forever, but I know there’s a place there for me till I get my life sorted.
