Raising Resilient Kids
Erin Raw, mother and analyst for Pearson, on the importance of providing a safe space for her children to fail, learn and try again.
There’s been a lot of talk about making kids more resilient.
I’ve been to three back-to-school nights this week for my 6th grader, 2nd grader, and kindergartner. On each night, they touched on ‘letting the kid fail’ and helping the kid to ‘figure out the solution.’ I’d imagine that failures in 6th grade look different and probably feel bigger than for a 2nd grader or kindergartner.
My 6th grader can fail by flunking a test, forgetting her Chromebook at home, or disrupting class, while my second grader fails by not doing certain activities during self-directed time. In these cases, I have to walk them through different steps to find the solution, as they have different problem-solving abilities and strengths.
When my child forgot her Chromebook this week, she received a “Chromebook violation.” It wasn’t completely her fault, because someone covered it up, and she didn’t see it the next morning; however, I’m not emailing the teacher to explain or bargain. My daughter will have to put measures in place to remember it every morning, and I can help her walk through what those may look like.
My job, though, is to offer a safe space in which my children can fail, learn, get back up, and try again. I may not provide the answers
My job, though, is to offer a safe space in which my children can fail, learn, get back up, and try again. I may not provide the answers, but I offer a place to spend a little time thinking and reflecting on what happened and what to do next or what to do differently next time. I often think of resilience as what we learn, what we would do, or how we would think differently if a similar situation happened. When we reflect on the past, and we acknowledge that we can change our future possibilities, we get stronger.
But when we think about resilience in response to school shootings, we’re asking more than we should of kids. Kids who have spent time scared in a closet, hoping the shooter didn’t walk in. Kids watching a shooting. These situations will be seared into their brains, and it will always be carried with them.
I am encouraged by the resilience of Leonor Munoz, who attended Marjory Stoneman Douglas. She recently shared her story on Nevertheless. She went through an unimaginable experience, and yet she continues to share her feelings while also preparing for college and her future.
In the podcast, neurologist Dr. Judy Willis defines resilience as “the ability to persevere through failure, to continue to have a sense of efficacy and self management and control of one’s future and future possibilities, despite setbacks.” In the case of school shootings, though, the students did not fail. It feels unfair that they have to be resilient at all. So how do we give them back the self-management of their future? What do we do as parents to help or allow our kids to put control back into their hands? I think we should start by moving forward one step at a time and looking toward a brighter future as Leonor did.
As I think back to the many back-to-school nights, I’m reminded that we may not always have the perfect solution, but we can work together and start somewhere. And from there, we keep on trying. Being resilient is not an easy task for anyone, and as a parent, I choose to focus on providing my safe space, working through challenges with my kids, and letting them know that they have the power to shape their future. Hopefully, my kids will be able to master the skill of resilience and bounce back stronger when they face obstacles — whether their setback be as small as a forgotten laptop, or something far more serious.
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Nevertheless is a a podcast celebrating the women transforming teaching and learning through technology. Supported by Pearson. Subscribe on iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher, Soundcloud, TuneIn or RadioPublic.
