Parenting is the Hardest Job

I became a father 4 years ago, and it has been a wild ride to say the least. Today, I hear many people saying “I am not sure I am ready to have kids”, and literally the one thing that comes to my mind every single time is “but you can never be ready to have kids”.

Having kids is something that one cannot really prepare for, nor be ready for. Not only because it is the hardest job in the world, but because every kid is completely different and you can never know how your kid will be — will he cry more or less? will she sleep well from day one or take 3 years to learn? will he eat everything or nothing? Of course, these are not black or white, there is a spectrum and that is, in part, what makes each kid so unique.

So why would people have children, then, if it is such a difficult job?

First, legacy, of course. What would be of our family tree, our DNA, and our values if we were not to pass them on? Second, because it is in fact the most satisfying job in the world. Interestingly, the second reason is not something many people think of when they decide to have kids. No one can understand the love and fullfilment one feels with one’s own kids. This makes all the challenges worthwhile!

Being a parent is like nothing I have ever done before, but more like a combination of all the hardest things I have done, and more. In order to be the best father I can, I need to continuously

1. be in touch with my emotions and present in the moment so I can give my son the love and attention he deserves and needs in order to feel safe;
2. be honest with myself so I can act according to my own values, which I want to pass onto my son. As I mentioned yesterday, kids learn by seeing, so I cannot expect him to learn a lesson if I do not live by it;
3. be my most creative self so I can help him overcome any issue without triggering more emotional reactions. Every opportunity is one to tell a comic story, act out with puppets spontaneoulsy, or roll on the floor like a cat or a monkey.
4. be consistent and persevere so I can show him the value of long-term dedication and patience, instead of short-term rewards.

Being a parent is basically like being a scientist in steroids. You need to run daily experiments in every field, from child psychology, to food chemistry, to the physics of street fights, and of course in education. No only you are trying to test every theory, but the test subject is in constant evolution, changing drastically in personality and physically.

Personally, I strive daily to become a better father for my son, and I am lucky to be a young father so I can learn many things with him. I want him to truly know that I am here for anything he needs. Of course I want to teach him everything I know and believe, but I am well aware that he needs to carve his own path to discover who he truly is and what he wants to get from and give to life.

Sherry and I are here purely as his guides, so he can learn to make mistakes and get back up. So he can learn to make decisions based on his intuition and on rational logic. So he can learn to follow his curiosity and overcome his fears, whatever they may be. So he can learn to respect others while not letting lowering his boundaries against his interests.

💡 Pro tip: the best way for your kid to learn something is for you to actually learn it with him as well. Kids need to see us fail in order to know that they can fail too. But remember, kids are not stupid, they will know that you are faking it.

For the full list of posts, see The Real 30 Under 30.