Productivity Obsession

Last week I was feeling weak, and had some headache (almost never happens to me). I had hoped it would just pass the next day. It didn’t happen. Next day I started feeling chills, it became harder to maintain balance and my eyes started to tear. Here it is. Fever. 38.3.

My first thought? “Oh no, I have so much to do”. My company gives us several 100% covered sick days without a doctor’s approval when you feel sick but it’s not something serious enough to go to the doctor. I’m thankful for this benefit, because a lot of my friends have to calculate if they can afford being sick or they should go to work, because their sick days are not covered or covered partly. And even though I can relax and just go to sleep, I don’t want to. I want TO DO STUFF. I decided that while I have this time free from work, I need to write as many texts as possible for the writing challenge, what an amazing opportunity!

Meanwhile 38.3 became 39.4, my eyes were teary from the slightest light in the room. And I had this final battle inside. Should I just surrender and go to sleep? And I did surrender. My next thought: “okay, what now?”. Doing nothing feels so weird, even when I’m very sick. I know it’s not ok.

Turned out I had covid. It chased me after 2 years. I have these episodes periodically, though. I’m working very hard, meeting someone after work, helping someone after work and finishing this at 21–22 in the evening. I’m having minimal rest (not always), and then one day my body just breaks down and I have to be in bed all day. I sleep and the next day I’m back on track. Every time I promise that next time I will be more aware and I won’t need my body to shut down just to make me rest. I think it became better with time, but I still have to work on it.

I know I’m not the only one so obsessed with productivity. I think it’s often very beneficial to have this quality, but we need to be careful not to hurt our health and our family relationships.