How to Become a Better Parent? Ask for Gifts from the Holy Spirit
Don’t be surprised when you get what you pray for
If it’s one thing that I’ve been consistently praying for in the past couple of years since my reversion back to the faith, it’s been this:
…for the graces and virtues needed to know and do God’s will.
Many times,I think of this intention as a “catch-all” prayer intention for all the specific gifts of God I do not have the intricacy or articulation to ask for. More recently, however, I’ve been working on fine-tuning this intention, making it more specific, and asking for particular gifts of the Holy Spirit in order to do God’s will, especially in my vocation as a dad.
Gifts of the Holy Spirit
And the spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him: the spirit of wisdom, and of understanding, the spirit of counsel, and of fortitude, the spirit of knowledge, and of godliness.
Isaiah 11:2, DRA
Wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord make up the gifts of the Holy Spirit. These gifts perfect us and make us more capable of responding to divine grace. They give us love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23, NIV).
My impatience, ego, and excessive need to discipline my kids are roadblocks to being a good dad to them, and these inclinations are remnants of how I was raised as a child, which looked a lot like being yelled at and scorned when I made a mistake. This is what parenting looked like to me, but it’s not a good model at all. This parenting model fosters a spirit of isolation and fear, not one of love.
I want to become a better dad, so after learning about the Gifts of the Holy Spirit on the Godsplaining podcast, I started praying for the gifts of understanding, counsel, and fortitude specifically. My prayers were answered soon enough as my seven, almost eight-year-old stomped upstairs after being called out for winding up his sister. The consequences of doing so resulted in no bedtime stories. When my typical reaction to a situation like this was to react immediately, follow my son up the stairs, and yell at him, I heard the Lord talk to me and stop me at that moment. He first spoke through my wife, saying:
“Oooooh. Jacob is feeling big feelings.”
The simple observation then walked me through the next steps.
“It’s okay. Give him time to simmer down. Talk to him at bedtime.”
At bedtime, I didn’t really know where to start, but I was prompted by the Lord to just ask my son questions.
“Hey mate. Can we talk about what happened earlier? What happened back there?”
“You made me mad because you didn’t want to read to me!”
“Okay, I hear you, but why was that so?”
“Because I wound Anna up.”
“…and should we be doing that? Especially after warning you a handful of times already?”
“…no.”
“Well, this is the consequence. I’ll tuck you in, but let’s say our night prayers and do a better job tomorrow okay? I love you, and you’re fantastic, but we need to work on this more. Give me a hug.”
The gift of understanding allowed me to see my son through his eyes instead of my own. Counsel helped me to take a step back and help my son process his feelings and reactions. Fortitude helps me stay strong and persevere through the tantrums to come.
The me, at least a month ago would have yelled at my son and took the stricter, harsher parental approach, but thanks to God, I felt like a calmer, understanding, and patient parent this time. Ever since then, I have more of an inclination to take a deep breath and approach discipline more calmly, lovingly, and with the eyes of a meek and humble God.
Ask our Lord for the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Remember, the Holy Spirit is our advocate (John 14:26)! Ask Him to reveal which ones you especially need at your point in life, and always make sure to thank Him for giving you what you prayed for.
