Love & Relationships
Many Young Women Today do Not Want to Waste their Time in a Relationship with a Man Because, They Say, Men Want it All. They are Not Satisfied with One Woman
These women say being single is a better option for them now
I’ve been travelling to different parts of the world for five years now. I am a solo traveller and I am single.
I have my own reason for choosing the single life which I will explain later, but first I want to share with you, what I have heard from countless young women that I’ve met.
Some of the women are living and working in their own countries and others are not. I met them at hostels, churches, network groups, tours, train stations, airports, buses, etc.
They talk to me because I’m free and won’t share their secrets with anyone. But, apart from that, they need to talk as they feel so hurt and burdened by the pain of betrayal.
They simply cannot understand why a man they love and did everything to please, is never satisfied.
No matter what they do or don’t do, it’s never good enough for the man.
They are left feeling bewildered and exhausted. They try everything to make the relationship work, but nothing changes.
One young woman recently said to me, with a broken heart, “What is wrong with young men today? Why do none of them want to be faithful? Why do they all want another woman when they already have one?”
I felt her pain. Her fiance, who she had been with for many years, was seeing another woman while they were together. He had that relationship for a whole year.
Why would a man get engaged and then cheat? It makes no sense. It’s just selfish and inconsiderate. Do they not even think about how they are hurting their girlfriend or wife?
That is just one story. I know another young woman who is a born-again Christian. She was married and her husband cheated on her.
She left him and went travelling for a year. When he came after her and said sorry, she decided to give him another chance. When she went back, she just couldn’t go through with it. The trust had been broken and she no longer loved him. They are divorced now.
A beautiful young woman from Vietnam married a man in her 20s and had one child with him. He turned out to be an alcoholic and beat her. She left him and now they are divorced.
He took the child. That is a long story about how she can get custody of the child, but who is suffering now? This woman and her child.
It seems many men around the world are refusing to grow up and see the importance of being good to their girlfriends or wives. They don’t seem to realize how many people they hurt by their actions.
Being faithful is a basic requirement in marriage. If they can’t even do that, what hope is there for the marriage?
So as this cycle continues and psychologists tell women, they are choosing the wrong men, what will be done about all these clueless young men who have no regard for women?
The women are saying, ‘Okay there is a problem.’ They can’t bear to go through another heartbreak.
When they seek healing, they realize that being single is a better option.
It’s more peaceful. They no longer have a rollercoaster of emotions. There’s no more drama, no constant feeling of rejection or unworthiness.
They know that the only answer is to be alone. To heal and change themselves.
We can’t change others. We can only change ourselves.
Men need their own awakening.
I chose to be single in my 30s after having a few different relationships. None of them worked. The men weren’t unfaithful, but there was no real love. I couldn’t live like that. I need love.
At that time, I was thinking of dating again, until a spiritual mentor of mine said to me, “Have you considered being single?” I was a bit surprised by her question. I was at an age where I was expected to be in a relationship and get married soon.
I reflected on it and said, “Maybe I could give it a try. I could choose to be single.”
When I did this, I felt the burden lifted and I started to have more peace.
I didn’t have to please some man or meet his requirements, I could go back to being myself.
I started on the journey of healing.
Men came and went during these years, but I wasn’t interested.
Some brought up more of my issues, such as codependency and my fear of rejection. I was still attracted to men, but I didn’t enter a relationship with them.
It was enough to spend time with them as friends, for me to know, they would not be suitable husbands for me.
I never thought I’d remain single, but I came to like it, especially as I grew in my relationship with God. (I am writing another article about that. I will post it here soon).
Before I close, I’d like to share an article by a gifted Indian writer here on Medium.
Her name is Gurpreet Dhariwal . She is a domestic violence survivor.
She is well known and much loved on Medium.
It was her article below that prompted me to write this one.
She is a sketcher, dog lover, and poet.
She is also the author of 3 books, My Soul Rants, Kaurageously Yours, and Interview with Gems of Medium.
She has come through a difficult and painful marriage.
In her articles and poems, she courageously shares the abuse she experienced.
Today she is free from that relationship and devotes her time and energy to speaking out about abuse. She is a voice for oppressed women.
Gurpreet is now on her healing journey and I believe God is leading her into great things!
Here is her article that prompted me to write my thoughts on relationships and single life:
We know not all men are like this, so if you are a man and this does not reflect who you are, that’s great. Maybe you would consider educating young men so we can see positive change in our world.
Being single and celibate is an option in life, even if only for a season.
Jumping from relationship to relationship is never a good thing. We need to give ourselves time to heal after a breakup.
Men and women experience relationships in different ways and so we all need to be more sensitive to the needs and feelings of others.
Women are beginning to see the light and learn to love themselves first. If they focus too much on the relationship, they will continue to get hurt.
In my experience, the best way forward for both women and men is to turn to God and receive His love, then they will know they are loved, and from that place of feeling secure in God’s love, they can choose when and if they are ready to be in a relationship.
Thank you for reading!
