Seeking God Even in Unbelief
There is nothing more powerful for a believer than an unshakable certainty in the trust of the Lord — A personal testimony.
I would like to share a bit about my conversion process. Despite being born and raised in a Christian environment, I was instructed to the best of my parent’s knowledge about the true Path of Salvation through the Cross of Christ. The risk I faced by not fully comprehending this became a central factor in my journey, as the conversion is an inherently personal and individual experience. This lack of understanding initiated my questioning of my own faith, which eventually became a springboard for its strengthening.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13
The Bible assures us that parents are not responsible for the sins of their children, just as children do not bear the sins of their parents. Based on this, it becomes evident that many people, including myself, were born into a Christian environment without truly grasping the depth of its meaning and the temporal and future implications it may carry.
It’s undeniable that well-intentioned parents desire the best for their children — I speak as a father — and if it were up to us, we would instill all the love we feel for Jesus in our children. However, we know that’s not how things work. Though faith can be transmitted through preaching the Word, the hardness of the heart, intensified by sin, acts as a barrier to receiving Salvation willingly. Our selfish nature and devotion to our own reasoning are the chains that keep us enslaved to sin. Nevertheless, what brings us joy is that Christ Jesus chose us first, loved us despite our being selfish sinners, and sought and continues to seek all who believe in Him.
I grew up in an environment where some believers didn’t seem to truly live out the faith they professed, and this incongruence led me to question the transformative validity of the Gospel. Could the Gospel be as transformative as it claimed to be?
“And without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6
Despite these uncertainties, along my journey, I encountered authentic believers whose lives were a living testimony of their faith. Many of them, even of my own age group, shared a perspective of the Kingdom of God, and through their influence, I began to open myself to the truth of the Gospel.
The process of seeking the truth was gradual, involving a deeper understanding of faith and an increasing realization that my previous scepticism lacked foundation until it was properly tested.
“And there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find him if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.” Deuteronomy 4:29
Often, we react to the idea of the renunciation required by Jesus by adopting a confrontational stance. This confrontation seeks personal and societal justifications and validations, often embedded in supposed intellectualism and perspicacity. However, in the grand scheme of things, it matters little. The Gospel is about personal renunciation, submission to the will of God, recognition and repentance of sins, and complete surrender to Him.
I questioned and extensively studied the Bible, seeking answers to my doubts. Additionally, I engaged in prayer, seeking God’s guidance and validation.
My journey was marked by a conflict between my intrinsic scepticism and the genuine desire to embrace faith. There were moments when I resisted the idea of fully surrendering to God, struggling against various temptations and distractions. However, over time, I began to realize that God’s presence had always been in my life, despite my resistance.
During a moment of pre-dawn reflection in prayer, I experienced a profound encounter with Jesus. In that instant, I felt His love and grace enveloping me, and all my doubts dissipated. This encounter transformed my perspective, and I realized that the resurrection of Jesus was the crucial event that validated our entire faith, for without it, the Gospel would hold no value.
“The Lord looks down from heaven on all mankind to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.” Psalms 14:2
This transformation allowed me to truly understand the purpose of life, death, and the eternal promise granted through the resurrection of Christ. Now, I fear neither uncertainties nor challenges, for I know that Jesus’ sacrifice guarantees our eternal life. Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is a natural part of our journey. True faith arises from questioning, seeking answers — always found in God — and strengthening conviction.
The counterpart to doubt is fear, which prevents us from overcoming doubt and challenging ourselves. Fear keeps us imprisoned in our own convictions and personal certainties. Just as in the fable of the fox and the grapes, the fox fails to reach the grapes and, in its frustration, proclaims that the grapes are sour. Doubt, which traverses various possibilities, can be resolved through the demonstration of the validity of at least one of them, but fear prevents us from knowing it.
As for questions about the Kingdom of God, the solution lies in approaching the King of this Kingdom. He is always ready to welcome those who seek Him. It’s like a child taking its first steps, discovering it can walk, run, and even swim. Just take that first step toward God, and you’ll realize He’s right beside you, ready to extend His hand.
I share a piece of my story not to convince, but to offer hope to those who might be struggling with their faith. Embracing doubt and seeking answers are vital parts of a sincere journey of faith. As the Psalmist said, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior.”
Through my experience, I realized that authentic faith is built on a foundation of sincere questioning before God, seeking, and ultimately finding answers aligned with divine truth.
“Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near.” Isaiah 55:6
