Wrestling With a Question?
Steering through the obstacle course of indecision
Why are you so afraid? (Matthew 8:26, CEB)
“To write, or not to write?” . . . That is the question. I mulled it over, seeing the date and time of decision-making pushing me to conclude. So at this final hour, this place of no return, the place where one reaches the ribbon which denotes the end of this particular race, is in view. . .
I stop, I pause, and I ponder.
God has put His message in me. I have written many devotionals with His inspirations in my heart. The failures, joys, learning experiences, temptations, suffering, and pain have been placed on paper and screen for the world to see: the beautiful, the ugly, the good, the bad, the failures, the successes, the sorrow, the joy, the fear, and the hope. The fundamental building block of the message remains forever the same.
The message is Jesus Christ.
Yes, He has commissioned me to tell His story, even though it has been told more eloquently in a myriad of ways through the ages. “Why would one person’s words even make a difference?” I ask. But I obey His call because who thoroughly knows the mind of God? His ways and thoughts are so much higher than mine.
Though my love for Him is minuscule compared to His love for me, I am motivated by its power. So, with a computer at my fingertips, the words pour out on the paperless screen, and He blesses me in ways I could have never imagined. Now, His words, through me, are seen by thousands worldwide.
My heart overflows with gratitude.
The question, “To write, or not to write?” causes me to stare at this precipice, wondering, “Is this really a hazardous place, or am I only making it out to be so?” The phone rings with another salesman or a scammer wanting to worm into my pocketbook and private life. Through this school of hard knocks, I gained the S.T. degree, “Skeptical Thinking.” At that exact moment, I realized THIS is what holds me fast…skepticism fueled by fear.
It is the chasm between me and the finish line.
Then, His still, small voice says, “It’s my message, not yours. I will get it out, with or without you. I use many ways in which to tell my story. I can even use businesses that market. You, in essence, are marketing Me. I can use you, or I can use someone else. You have the power to accept my offer or to refuse me. It is your choice.” He finishes with a question:
Why are you so afraid? (Matthew 8:26, CEB)
I ponder and make a decision to let skepticism have another day in court. I know one second of hesitation can harm the outcome of a race. The effect of that pause may be detrimental.
I lace my shoes. I get off my knees. I focus on the line, and I lunge forward. “His words, not mine,” vibrates in my mind and pulses through my veins as my heart races excitedly. He has done great things for me. He has given His life as a sacrifice for me. He has forgiven me of my sins. He has cleansed me from my unrighteousness. He has redeemed me to Himself. He has placed a new heart in me. He has given me strength, peace, hope, love, and more than my heart, soul, and mind could fathom.
He has truly been my Abba Father since I was a little girl. How could I deny my precious one, my papa?
I can run in faith doing this for Him. I know that to win a race, I must first run. With His help, I will cross the finish line. He gave His boundless love to me. I can give Him this vessel to share His love story with others; This is my way of expressing His love through me, pouring out to others. Maybe just one person’s spiritual ears will hear the written word. The message of love is vital in a world of so much strife, impatience, and hatred.
So, to the question, “To write, or not to write?” I have the answer, and it’s not as challenging as I was making it to be. I leap with my blinders on, never releasing His hand, over my self-made chasm called “Skepticism.”
My answer is a resounding. . .
Yes, Lord! Use me!
