Inside the belly of ALL-THAT-IS
Since childhood, I’ve always felt like I don’t belong. I used to jokingly think that I might have been adopted, only to rationalize this by the fact that my parents were too poor to adopt a child.
Being a child who grew up in a poverty-stricken neighborhood, underpinned with alcoholism, drug abuse, and gangsterism, there was often a sense that I am not from this place. And later, as I grew up, I would soon start to feel like I’m not from this world.
The feeling of being misunderstood was the basis of my relationships, especially with my father and other romantic connections.
Through my life struggles, being abandoned by my father at age 3, being sexually molested by my brother at age 12 and emotionally abused by my uncle, all of this trauma, covered in a blanket of deep poverty. I often felt alone in my traumas and struggles.
Even in my adult life, being in a 12 year relationship with the father of my children. A relationship, that would be one of the factors driving me to the dark edge of suicide. I felt very alone all my life.
Currently, while going through my spiritual awakening, I feel very isolated because who could I speak to openly about the nature of our reality, about what God is, about who we are? Who could I relay a message to that says, ‘there’s more to this existence, more…
