Push and pull — tug of war with my limbs.
Russian Roulette with my heart —
Scratch, scratch, blood drying tears —
pouring pain increasing.
My thoughts corroding my imagination —
the nail through the wrist, the razor cuts deep.
My depression is a cry —
a cry of fear, a cry for help.
Just one pick-me-up message
isn’t gonna do it this time.
The blunt, the pipe, the needle meet my skin.
Preparing, overbearing, making excuses —
believing the lies, forsaken wounds laugh it off.
Who cares it’s just a phase —
God I hope it’s just a phase.
I can’t let go — why can’t I let go.
Please God let me let it go.
Let me end the pain, sorrow,
guilt, terror, the loneliness.
The horrors of yesterday and
the nightmares of tomorrow —
it’s sickening my stomach.
Screw everybody —
I’ve stopped crying and started smiling.
My smiles are an illusion, a magic trick.
You’re the audience, cheering me on, I guess…
The show is sold-out.
And by sold-out, I mean, shut down.
I’ve stopped selling tickets —
I’ve just stopped.
I wanna get better, but I don’t know how.
Why is the hardest thing to do in life, is survive?