The Gift Of Discomfort

Why sitting with discomfort — yours or others’ — is a powerful and necessary leadership skill

We live in a world that values comfort.

If you look at the history of humankind, you could say it’s a history of seeking comfort. My great-grandmother lived in a house without running water. Today, we expect one-click buying, same-day delivery, and 24/7 entertainment. Anything that causes friction is seen as a failure of design or culture.

As a leader, how you relate to discomfort — your own and others’ — defines the culture you create.
The best leaders aren’t the ones who eliminate discomfort but the ones who can stay grounded in the middle of it. Discomfort isn’t a problem to solve — it’s information. It’s growth in motion.

I used to work as a User Experience designer. Our goal was to make any experience as frictionless as possible. The most seamless app won.

That mindset has bled into the way we relate to ourselves and each other.

Discomfort is seen as failure. Pain is something to avoid. Silence is awkward. Boredom is unbearable.
And yet, despite all this comfort, we suffer — in silence.

We’ve lost our fluency with discomfort

The number one use of AI today? Therapy and companionship.
That says a lot about our relationship with pain.

We have no idea what to do with it.
We try to fix it, numb it, outsource it, or pretend it’s not there.
But here’s the truth:

Pain is one of our greatest teachers.

Pain shows us where we are too attached, too afraid, or too disconnected from our truth.
Discomfort points to places within us that are still asking for care or change.

When we push it away, it grows louder.
When we sit with it — observe it, feel it, get curious about it — it can transform us.

This isn’t easy.
But it’s essential.

Holding space — for yourself

Growth starts when you sit with the pain without judgment.
When you stop trying to fix it or escape it, and simply ask:

“What is this here to teach me?”

Being present with discomfort is a spiritual skill.
It’s a muscle most of us haven’t trained. But it’s there.

The more we build the capacity to stay with discomfort,
the more we become grounded, resilient, and wise.

Holding space — for others

We can also hold space for the discomfort of other people.

To “hold space” means to offer presence without control.
To sit with someone as they go through pain, confusion, or vulnerability — without rushing to:

• Reassure them (“It’s not that bad”),
• Offer advice,
• Or distract them from what they feel.

Those responses are usually more about our discomfort with their discomfort.

Holding space is the opposite:

• You don’t flinch.
• You don’t fix.
• You say (often silently):

“I can be with you in this, even if it’s hard.”

It’s one of the most powerful acts of leadership, friendship, and love.

You will also create discomfort

This may be the hardest truth:
Just by being true to yourself, by growing, by challenging systems, by standing in your integrity — you will create discomfort in others.

And that’s okay.

Discomfort is not harm.
Discomfort is not disrespect.
Discomfort is not failure.

It’s feedback. It’s friction. It’s movement.
It’s the beginning of change.

Discomfort is a gift

We don’t need to chase pain. Life will bring enough of it.
But when it arrives, we can choose not to run.

We can listen.
We can stay.
We can let it change us.

Discomfort is a space where healing and transformation are found. Discomfort can be a signal that you are on the edge of something great.

That’s the gift of discomfort. For leaders, learning to stay with discomfort — without fixing or fleeing — isn’t just a gift. It’s a responsibility.