This was a beautiful story. I’d like to offer my interpretation, not to discount your experience, but to show you where I found inspiration.

I think your story is a beautiful example of the often times natural evolution of relationship, especially ones that begin early in adult life. What I found particularly interesting is that when you ‘released’ your husband you also released your trauma. What a magical moment, a miracle of your own making. Perhaps had you not taken this step you would have not received this gift. Perhaps the act of releasing him also allowed him to enter into a process that he needed to have, and may have engaged in without transparency, had you not given him the freedom to honestly seek it. Perhaps you weren’t ‘lucky’ to find your next soul mate. Perhaps it was your destiny all along to move toward him via the process you did, even though that process was painful.

I understand that the result of your release choice was not what you wanted or expected for your marriage and that it seems like it was a mistake, but I see it as a great act of unconditional love that ultimately led you both to healing and evolution. Most of us go into marriage holding the vow of exclusivity (monogamy) and eternity (till death do us part) over the vow of unconditionality (in sickness and in health). These vows often seem to impede the kind of open dialog you enjoy with your partner now.

However, if we look at the core ideal of all love it is unconditionality. In my view if one truly loves a person they must support their growth, even if that means they feel insecure or the nature of the relationship changes. If they are doing it under any other motivation, than they are cultivating insecurity and ownership, not love. It has been my experience that it is only under these circumstances that one actually experience eternal relationships, for when someone understands that your love for them is unconditional they also can know it will never leave them. If we entered our marriages with the understanding that love would persist, even when circumstances changed drastically, how much more growth, security and space for love would we actually cultivate? For me your story is one of courage and unconditional love, not an ‘oops, I won’t do that again’ tale. I hope that you and your first husband were able to retain that core of love you displayed during your marriage as you moved forward in your respective journeys. Thank you for sharing this experience with the world.