Life | Personal Choices
3 Ways How We Can Move Forward In Life By Leaps And Bounds
Recognizing what hinders us to move forward and live a quality life
It is your life. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty living it in your way. — Dr. Michaela Dunbar, Psychologist
As I sat ready to begin the day since last Monday, I noticed my mind ran all over the place. I scoffed at what happened last week, which twice had disrupted my focus from work going into the 2nd week.
I was trying to calm the emotional storm that raged within due to other people’s life conflicts.
I saw that resources and skills are just one small aspect we require to get to our destination. There are other sections in life causing us unable to live in a healthier environment or with a better mindset.
- Your purposes, skills, and resources
- Your personality, character, mindset, and beliefs
- Your environment of who are the people surrounding you
How often had your life journey been halted, distracted, and affected by the conflict from other people where their problems have nothing to do with you?
Regardless of family or other relations like relatives, in-laws, spouses, fiancé, colleagues, or friends, you became a target of their unmet expectations and desires.
Take a look at these points and evaluate the need to change, even if it makes people think negatively of you.
1 — Be KIND to ourselves first and STOP being NICE to problematic persons.
We all have problems. However, it sets the differences in how we face the problem. Some people tend to run away from the issues. Some others hide behind people for sympathy and empathy. The situation became more complex, complicated, and problematic eventually.
I remember what one of the female scholars in Yemen said to me.
Life is always about problems one after another. When you have a problem, either you be a problem solver or stumble into being a problematic person. Be wise.
People are confused between being Kind and Nice. When we are being nice, we are doing it to avoid people feeling offended or emotionally hurt.
When we take care of other people’s feelings while making ourselves uncomfortable, it will only destroy our mental health further.
When this happens frequently, the persons with the problem will think it is okay we be at their beck and call. We become obligated to do as commanded by them.
Remember, nobody has the right to instruct us on what goes against our principles, priorities and schedules.
Being kind will not prevent us from hurting other people’s feelings because they need to know their limits on everyone around them. Be Kind. This will be a better choice than being nice.
Kindness sets the boundaries that the person with problems ought to accept. Setting boundaries and limitations will be the first thing we must do because people should respect us also.
Some people expect others to solve their problems and be their spokesperson, like gathering supporters against those they dislike. When you are kind to them and set the boundaries that it is their problem to resolve it, their feelings hurt. They couldn’t get what they wanted. We should not get entangled with their conflicts.
So, the first thing is to differentiate between being nice and kind.
Be kind to ourselves first, and do not let others use us. Do we have to lose our time and energy over their conflicts?
2 — Stop allowing others to treat you like a Garbage Can or an Emotional Toilet
Priest Dandapani and Habib Al Bar are two examples of people approached by the mass public for answers to life problems. People go to them for a listening ear and advice. They had been like a garbage can or an emotional toilet for people venting problems.
I had been in this position too. Can you imagine whenever I encountered people who began pouring out their conflicts to me? A lot of people told me that they felt comfortable with me because they felt peaceful.
Little did they acknowledge and accept that I was only giving them space to rant their dissatisfaction away by being a listening ear. Otherwise, I would have walked away. I don’t give everyone the honor of my listening ear. I prefer my me-time.
I am not their resource to solve the problems for them. I can only advise or suggest to them optimal solutions. However, the one who resolves the problematic situation are themselves, not me. That spells their disappointment when they expect others to resolve problems for them.
We got to learn to solve our problems instead of expecting people to bail us out all the time.
Our friends or close ones may provide a listening ear and empathize with us. However, they are never an obligation to be resolving our conflicts for us.
3 — Look out for the people whom we should ‘Drop The Drama’
I dislike listening to relatives’ negative comments. Sometimes, I tried to put out the fire by giving them good reasons. On many occasions, they refused to listen, except to vomit their grudges onto the children or nieces and nephews.
Aligned to the prophecy, we got to come out with as many as 70 good reasons to think well of others. Thus, there should be no room for bad ideas or thoughts.
Often, when people confide in us about their conflicts, they hope to build a safe space for themselves. They start using us as a shield, hiding their conflict, placing us in front of their opponents. Eventually, they blame us for not speaking up for them. Or they shall assume and accuse us of speaking ill about them to their opponents.
It is what happened worldwide. People have relatives, where uncles and aunties never fail to vomit their trash of conflicts occurring among themselves, to their children, nieces, and nephews.
If you are in this environment, be aware that their conflicts aren’t our concerns in the first place. Take no part in it emotionally and personally. Set the boundaries to a limit to tell them they should resolve their issues among themselves. It is unwise to drag the others into it.
Do not be emotionally engaged in their problems. — Dandapani
It is their problem. We are not there to participate in it. Be aware of ourselves and take control of our hearts, and disallow their conflict to engage us.
Leave parents’ conflicts to be resolved among themselves. They are adults. They don’t need the grown-up children to be their spokesperson.
My summary statement of 3 ways to move on in life is with a great leap and bound.
- Be kind to ourselves and stop being nice to the problematic ones
- Do not allow people to use us as their Garbage Can or Emotional Toilet
- Look out for the people whom you will need to ‘Drop The Drama’
Some people would try to divert the World’s attention to us when they can’t solve their problems. Some people do that to hide their flaws and weaknesses. They make themselves look like victims. Stay away from them, or lessen your mingling with these type of people if they are from families.
