5 Common Pieces of Advice That Are Actually Terrible
‘Just be yourself’ can get in the bin and stay there
There are several pieces of popular advice floating around out there, some of which we are so used to hearing that we don’t question them whatsoever.
However, once you step back and take a look at these so-called golden nuggets, you’ll realize that a lot of popular advice is actually…well, pretty awful and such advice should be relegated to fortune cookies in bad Chinese restaurants.
Let’s take a look at some of them.
1) ‘’Just focus on yourself, then you’ll be happy’’
Well, actually, no. This is not true whatsoever.
Though it may sound sensible, and focusing entirely on yourself can be beneficial in some instances, it neglects the fact that humans are social creatures that thrive on interpersonal relationships and their connection to others.
The ‘lone wolf’ trope is something I came across a lot when I got majorly obsessed with self-help years ago. It’s the idea that one should seek only internal validation and that the opinions of others don’t matter in the slightest. Like the impressionable teenager I was, I got suckered into these beliefs and focused all of my efforts on pleasing myself.
Now that I’m older, I realise that this advice is dangerous bullshit. Of course, you need to focus on yourself, but neglecting others’ opinions, beliefs, and experiences will make you miserable and turn people off from you.
2) ‘’Don’t Compare Yourself To Others’’
Much like the previous entry on this list, we’ve heard about how comparing yourself to others is toxic and will make you feel awful.
I can only speak from experience, but I don’t always find this to be the case. Whilst it’s important to remember there’s no template for success and everybody has a different path, I find comparing myself to others is great for a boost of short-term motivation and a kick up the ass.
It’s probably a good idea to look at (relevant) people in your field at a high level and wonder how they got there much like it’s probably a good idea to look at people you admire personally and see what you can learn from them.
Again, people are social creatures. Don’t be ashamed to compare yourself to certain people at suitable times if you feel like you need to buck up your ideas and get back on track. Just be sure to do it in moderation.
3) “Find A Job You Enjoy And You Will Never Have To Work A Day In Your Life”
Listen, Mark Twain, I’m a big fan — but shut up and spare us the sickly-sweet advice for a second.
I’ve previously written about how destructive the ‘follow your passion’ mantra can be because I think it’s one of the most unfounded myths in our society. Cal Newport can explain it far better than I can.
A surefire way to kill any passion you have for a hobby is to do it for at least 40 hours a week, judging by the way the world is now, the next 45 or so years. Sometimes it’s best to leave hobbies as hobbies and let them serve as an escape from life’s problems.
This doesn’t mean you should meekly submit to a job you hate. Don’t be surprised if you begin to loathe your passion if you end up doing it for work.
4) ‘’Good Vibes Only’’
I see this phrase a lot. It’s plastered on signs at cafes and restaurants and obnoxiously written into hundreds of Tinder biographies. I get what those people mean when they say it, and they certainly don’t intend to say what I’m about to say about it — but it still qualifies as terrible advice nonetheless.
I chose this phrase because there’s a dark side to it and it feeds into the ‘toxic positivity’ movement that has already taken over Instagram and LinkedIn. Essentially, the three-word slogan means that only good energies should be welcomed into people’s lives and any sense of negativity must be stamped out immediately.
Approaching life like this will only make you miserable. Ironically, knowing how shit life can be sometimes can be quite empowering, and knowing that so much of life is outside of our control can be great for your peace of mind.
Sometimes there’s nothing wrong with bad vibes — so this advice sucks.
5) ‘’Just Be Yourself!”’
Everyone experiences nervousness during social events. If people say they don’t, they’re either lying or a little sociopathic.
Social anxiety is a universal thing, something everybody experiences, and so is being told to ‘just be yourself!’ by someone else.
The mantra isn’t bad, but it sure does nothing to help and unlocks near-existential levels of inner monologue in me.
What if I don’t know who I am, Matthew? What if I, like everybody else, base my entire existence on the commercial choices I make and the arbitrary lifestyle choices I pursue? Who even are we, Matthew? People, or walking pieces of matter living on a planet mindlessly hurtling through space until its inevitable destruction? Fuck you, and your ‘just be yourself’. What even is the self?
People are never just themselves. How you interact with your boss is going to be much different from how you interact with your friends at the bar on Friday night. Who you are with your friends is going to be radically different from how you act when you speak to the 80-year-old woman living in your neighbourhood. That’s why telling someone to just be themselves can be so confusing — which version of ourselves should we be?
It’s time we rid ourselves of this useless advice and began giving people more specific help.
