A Peek into My World of Social Anxiety
I’m not a snob, I’m just shy.
So, here's the deal – I don't talk much, not because I don't want to, but because words are like elusive butterflies, slipping away before I can catch them. It's become my thing, you know? Instead of diving into the discomfort of social interactions, I've found it's just easier to keep quiet.
Lecture halls? Crowded parties? Hangouts? Conferences? Yeah, no thanks. I’d rather stay in my warm bed at home. It’s made me the 'boring' guy, I guess. Just me buried in books in the library, or video gaming at home, doing my thing.
Questions in class? Well, those stay safely inside my head.
Socializing, to be honest, feels like I'm this clueless baby taking its first steps without a guide. But, you know what? I've got these old friends from high school that I've known for ages – they get me, and that's where I'm comfortable.
Anxiety, though, sometimes plays games with my speech. I’d be all set to say something, and then poof! It’s gone. I begin to stutter until I ultimately blank out. But hey, this whole struggle has taught me to be independent. I make sure to exhaust every option before throwing in the towel and asking for help.
People might see my quiet vibe as me being a snob or just plain weird.
Small talks? Nope, not my thing. Conversations on WhatsApp? Only when I really need something – it’s like I forget how to chat. It hurts to feel like a bad friend because I only talk to them when I need their help.
I’m practically inactive on all social media. Call me old-fashioned, but I’d rather be present in the moment, navigating life without the pressure of picture-perfect posts. Well, that’s a lie I tell myself, it’s all because of my social anxiety.
I tend to think every girl that talks to me likes me, and then I overdo it. It’s a whole unintentional intensity thing. I also turn into this nervous, sweaty mess. It’s like trying to talk to scary alien goddesses from another planet. There was this one time she noticed. Luckily, she was cool about it. we’ve been together for some time now.
Missed opportunities? Yeah, simply because I just can’t open my mouth to announce myself. And I’m left wondering what’s next after school. Sometimes, I dream about a job that puts me far away from crowds, like an engineer on a ship, just me and a few colleagues, cruising the seas.
Sundays, oh boy! While everyone is busy socializing, laughing, and taking photos after church, I find myself in a corner, utterly confused and clueless. It’s like there’s this unwritten script for after-church shenanigans, and I didn’t get the memo. I’m just there, biding my time, waiting to escape and head home, wondering how they effortlessly navigate the rocket science of socializing while I feel like an outsider peeking in.
But you know what? This shy, introverted side of me is just who I am. It makes my journey a bit different, a bit quirky, but hey, it's mine, and I'm learning to embrace it, one nervous step at a time.
