A Survivors Story

Why my best friend is a badass

Photo by Kat Smith on pexels

Trigger warnings

Abuse, sexual abuse, rape, pedophile

Let’s start at the beginning

My best friend has led a life that will probably shock and upset people. Not because of anything she has done wrong, but what has been done to her. When we were around 17 and 18, I introduced her to a “friend”. He had been hanging around with a few of us for a while, and, to be honest, none of us saw a problem with it. Looking back, however, a 34-year-old man shouldn’t be hanging out with barely legal teens. It should have been the first red flag, but the flag had barely been died pink yet. The first night they met, he dropped everyone else off at home but asked her to go back to his for a drink. As he was drinking he said he couldn’t drive her home, so she had to stay the night. They had been fooling around, but she wasn’t ready to go all the way and lose her virginity. Especially not with a guy she had just met, but he didn’t want to take no for an answer and pressured her into having sex with him.

They started dating

At the time no one found it odd, we were all at that age where we thought we were old enough to know how the world worked, instead we were just kids pretending to be adults. He was very good at hiding his abusive ways in front of everyone. Behind closed doors, however, was an entirely different story. He pressured her into moving in very early on, making it easier to be controlling, and he controlled everything from demanding sex to telling her to change trousers because you could see her underwear outline. Consent didn’t matter to him, she never gave consent but he always got what he wanted.

Before they started dating, there was a family holiday booked to Morocco. Surprisingly, he let her go. Maybe it was to keep up appearances for her parents, or something he could use to hold over her head. While she was away, cracks in his mask started to show. He made her phone him every day and was constantly accusing her of cheating on him. She didn’t get to fully enjoy the time she had away because she was always worried about what he thought. Little did she know, she would soon be ripped away from her friends and family.

Things started to get worse

Not long after she got home from her holidays she found out she was pregnant. She was scared and felt too young to have a child. Add that to the fact she was with a controlling partner who sexually abused her regularly, resulting in the pregnancy. I can only imagine what was going through her head. He didn’t take it well, said he couldn’t have kids so she must have cheated on him. Being pregnant didn’t stop the abuse, he even made her leave the house for hours and sleep on the floor when he had visitors; male or female they slept in the bed beside him while his pregnant partner slept like a dog on the floor. His favorite form of mental abuse was to swing his hand as if he was going to hit her, just to watch her wince in fear.

At this point, he put a stop to her having friends, and barely let her see family. He knew people were starting to see him for what he truly was. So he had to take drastic action. He moved her away from her hometown, where she became more isolated than ever.

It got worse when their son was born

Her abuse was daily, both before and after her pregnancy. However, she started noticing strange behavior from him. If she was out with their son, the house would have been full of young girls when she got home, she would have seen him brush up against them and call it accidental. By this point, the red flags were flying at full mast. But she was trapped, away from everyone she would have turned to for help.

Then came the day he was arrested. He was arrested at work so she didn’t know until there was a knock at her door. The house was surrounded by police and she was served a search warrant. He was kept in prison until his court date when he was found guilty. I am not going to go into details here on exactly what his charges were, but he was arrested and convicted of being a pedophile. I will leave a link to the news article below. I will give a word of warning it is not an easy read.

Man gets 24 years for rape and sexual abuse of girls (irishtimes.com)

The aftermath

For a long time, she didn’t feel safe staying in one house for too long. Always scared in case he knew where she was living. The bars between him and the outside didn’t ease that fear. She was able to build her relationship with her family again, who welcomed her back with open arms. Her relationship with her friends soon followed.

I asked her a hard question for this article.

“Does having a child fathered by him ever affect you, if so how?”

Her answer shows the world what type of person she is.

“It’s a hard question to answer at times. At times the answer would be yes, it is hard. Because I am reminded of the abuse every day. But I also would answer no, because he is my son, he is half of me and didn’t ask to be brought into any of this. I have been asked in the past why I didn’t abort the baby, and my answer is simple — why punish the innocent?”

Why does she want me to tell her story

She doesn’t want to tell all this for sympathy. She wants to tell it so she might be able to help someone. She knows what it is like to be with a monster and feel alone, she never wants anyone to feel that way.

If anyone has any questions or needs advice from her. Please reach out. We will work together to get back to you as soon as we can. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving a comment, let me know. I can ask her to make a separate email address.

A note from me

This woman is one of the strongest people I know. She’s been through hell and dined with the devil. Yet somehow managed to rebuild her life. So please keep comments on this respectful.

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ThatGirlYouMightKnow

ThatGirlYouMightKnow

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I'm a 35-year-old woman from Northern Ireland, who writes about a range of subjects including the paranormal, mental health, relationships and much more.