Anger has been a constant companion of mine
And usually not a good one
--
This is, in many ways, a very personal post. It is about an emotion that most of us experienced at some point or another, but which has special relevance to me personally.
Anger is one of the 7 basic emotions. It is, therefore, an emotion that is about as human as it gets.
But even though that is the case, we have developed frontal lobes for a reason. Because acting out on all our emotions all the time, good or bad, can have many negative consequences.
In the course of growing up, most of us, therefore, learn how to manage these emotions in responsible ways.
It has to be said that not all of us do, and I think we ought to put more emphasis on this in our education systems, but that is a different story.
As for myself, here is the kicker. I am almost 40 years old, and anger is one of those emotions I have not yet learned how to manage in a meaningful way.
I can get frequent outbursts. I have been known to shout and scream like a three-year-old in a candy store. I have been observed throwing stuff around in a fit of anger more than just once. Thankfully, I have never actually laid a hand on anyone.
But these outbursts have come at great costs. They have cost me friendships, relationships, and even damaged relations with cherished family members. Sometimes, they have had professional consequences as well.
I do not recall any examples where acting out on the impulse of anger has led to any positive outcomes.
Sometimes I feel exactly as Jessica McCabe puts it in this video. A Ferrari brain with bicycle brakes.
The past year, I have been in therapy, and I do myself have a suspicion that ADHD could be one of the underlying causes for me. But I have not really had the courage to pursue this line of thought to the very end.
Because I have to admit that this pattern of angry outbursts has always been a companion of mine. When I was very young, the trigger could be as mundane as losing a board game. Some years ago, there was this meme going around the internet about that angry german kid destroying his computer. Well, as much as it pains…
