Caught in the Storm: Finding Calm Amidst Chaos
My battle against the knife that is anxiety.
Man. Anxiety, the invisible, deadly knife. I am going to take you back to a memory of a day. I was 13. It was exactly that day that I started to struggle with heavy, debilitating anxiety. It was that day specifically that my grades began to drop. People started avoiding me, and I felt like an illness with no hope for a cure. That day, I got bullied and pushed around because people saw me as “weak”. The day was cold, ominous clouds looming overhead. I was thinking, “This is the day I will win.” Later that day, I went to school. Admittedly, I had very low self-esteem. I kept my head down low, wary of any judgment, where actually, the judgment came from myself. As the day progressed, the anxiety continued to eat and gnaw at my soul. I knew that to overcome this adversity, I had to work on myself. It makes me cry even to this day, thinking about that incident. Why me? Why am I the unlucky one? The day demanded socializing, and I tried my best, but couldn’t help but succumb to my demons. These demons held me in their grip, perpetuating the forces that held me down in a cage designed especially for me.
My battle against anxiety’s shackles
I felt isolated in my fight against anxiety. The day I experienced showed me that there is a solution to this problem. I must fight it instead of succumbing to it.
I was caught in the middle of a dark, windy hurricane. The eye felt calm, while there was just so much turmoil that beckoned me to fly away into, with no hope of escape. I felt stuck. What if that one day led to countless more? How am I supposed to break out of this pattern of anxiety? I didn’t really have an answer at that point. Reflecting on it, I now see myself in a better light.
What it all means today
I still feel broken down by what I went through that day. I am still trying to get past it and fight my inner demons.
Conclusion
This experience has built me up to be a stronger person than I was. I am still affected by it, but I don’t let it control me.
