Choose your battle wisely!
You can’t win every battle out there.
Trying to fight every battle not only feels obnoxious it is also very tiring for yourself and the opposition. You need to maintain a balanced battlefield and peace at the end of the day while continuing to push your envelope patiently a little ahead.
At your work and your home.
This is going very vague. Let’s start at the start…
My husband was rather upset with an ongoing rough, tough week in the office. He had a few calls that ended up on very frustrating notes. He was rather agitated.
This is his new project. Bided with extremely aggressive deadlines.
The resources on projects are new. They are feeling pressured.
The customer is continuously complaining of displeasure with the Quality of delivery.
The upper management is pressurizing to meet the deadlines.
And the lone warrior called Husband is trying to ward them all off!
Pacifying juniors — edging them on. Trying to coach them for quality work.
Pacifying customer — promising better-quality control, steps to uplift the project.
Pacifying management — trying to negotiate for experienced resources, leeway on the scope.
This is exhausting him, and he is losing patience.
After patiently hearing him out, for some time, my advice to him was simple- “Choose your battles wisely!”
I would love to have a lovely, neatly kept house.
Eyeing the one sock near the door, another near kid’s room, another heap of two shoes plus a backpack lying near the garage door.
The numerous drawings and scribblings stuck to walls and fridge haphazardly.
Absolute refusal to take down, which was once a collage kind of artwork. It now has only two pieces still stuck to it out of at least 30+ odd from the beginning of its life.
Heaps of color pencils and crayons on the kitchen platform.
I really want my family to eat healthy food most of the time.
‘Mama, I want a chocolate today.’
‘Mama, one lollipop from yesterday’s party?’
‘I don’t like lentils. I am going to eat plain rice.’
‘I don’t want milk on cereals. It makes it soggy. I will have plain cereals.’
‘Snehal, something spicy, cheesy today please.’
The list goes on and on and on.
I want one thing, and expectations are blown away with little people and an adult who is equally worse.
So, what to do? What’s the solution?
Should I keep all quiet and let it all happen?
Nope. I absolutely need to do something. But I choose my battles carefully.
‘Common Pratham, pick up these socks. Keep your backpack properly. We are going to need it tomorrow’. Gently pulling him towards the mess, sometimes, helping him with that little work, nudging to get it done. This is not a battlefield, Not today.
Getting them in a habit of tidying up as much as possible each night.
‘You need to at least try out what is made one time. If you don’t like it, then don’t take a second helping.’
‘One chocolate only.’
‘You had one yesterday. So not today. Chocolate is occasional food.’
Crisis averted without battle issuing.
Sometimes, that does not work!
‘Saanvi, keep your color pencils properly. They will get lost!’
‘Saanvi, keep your color pencils properly. You will not find them tomorrow!’
‘Saanvi, how will you color tomorrow?’
Saanvi behaves as if her name is not Saanvi at all!
Uff. You have two choices.
One is to make this THE battle you want to fight.
If you decide that, hold your ground, even when cries issue. Then, take it to full understanding from opposition, reasoning, completion with patience, timeouts, a bit of scolding, whatever it takes.
The second is to let go.
Sigh. Try parent voice and try to tell again. If it does not work, drop it. Let it go.
You can either tidy it up yourself or leave it as is for later.
The key is to get into battle only when you are fully prepared to take it to completion if you are exhausted, not at your fullest patience levels, then not the right time.
For me, the second way is my main way. I let go many times. Most of the time along the way of those repetitions, the message drives home. You need to do it multiple times before a certain thing becomes non-negotiable and issues a battle.
The reasoning is simple. No one likes battles—neither you nor the opposition. So, if you have frequent battles, it will create such a frustrating environment that even if you want to get the message across the second way, the opposition will drive you back to the battlefield.
Of course, a few things are absolutely non-negotiable. Hitting your sister or brother is not ok, even if you are 4 years old.
Now re-read those thoughts visualizing the office scenario than crying snotty kids at home. Your behavior towards handling the scenarios is going to be no different, really.
Closing thoughts
- Use Battles as a last resort after negotiating peacefully.
- Choose them judiciously.
- Once you choose them, take them to a conclusion. Do not leave without a conclusion.
- Remember, the battle is all about patience. Not losing your cool while the opponent is raging. Standing your ground, standing your reason in absolute peace.
- Lastly, as you choose your battles wisely, the other side is likely going to do the same. You need to give that ground to them once you realize that.
