Coming Out On Facebook
My Story of Coming Out to the World on Social Media
Facebook and Jodie Foster
I know I’ve written about why I’ve quit Facebook before but one of the biggest announcements and events in my life actually occurred on Facebook 9 years ago. It was 2013. Right after the announcement that Jodie Foster had made at the Academy Awards, I finally found the courage, to be honest with my friends and family.
Didn’t Want to Confront People About It
I didn’t want to have to tell any of them face to face or individually. I just wanted the truth to be out there and to be done with any drama that may ensue. I came out as gay. I was finally unafraid to live my authentic life. I didn’t want to hide from anyone anymore no matter how severe the consequences would be following this decision. I was working as a karaoke DJ at a local country bar at the time that I did this.
Losing “Friends”
I had many friends on my profile page from the bar. I didn’t really know or care about any of their stances on me being gay. Many of them knew. The ones who didn’t know promptly deleted or blocked me. The same happened with extended family. I have a lot of conservative family members on my wall and many of them stopped talking to me or got really awkward with me in Messenger after my announcement.
My Dying Aunt Disowned Me
I even had a few family members unfriend me. The saddest unfriend that I got from my family members is from my now late aunt, my dad’s older sister, Ellen. She was dying and she didn’t even want to talk to me.
Transformation and My Relationship
A year before I had made this announcement, I had just undergone a massive weight loss through a 12 step food addiction program I had joined with my then bisexual, much older (22 year age difference) girlfriend, Mercedes. When I realized after I had lost the weight and had gained the confidence to be more self-assured, I broke it off with her and told her I only wanted to date men from then on out.
One-Sided Love
She was the first one to find out before I had made the decision public months later. She loved me. She was devastated and went into a deep depression that eventually led to her death almost eight years later. I really connected with her on an emotional and intellectual level but I wasn’t in love with her the way she was in love with me. I wanted to live a genuine life and I wanted to spare her years of heartbreak.
12 Step Program and Changes
We had both lost a lot of weight. I had lost more than she had that year. I went from a high of 300 pounds to 185 in a matter of 8 months. I was following the program abstaining from flour and sugar and had quit drinking that year. I was seeing a new me emerge from this program and diet and had gained confidence I hadn’t ever had in my adult life. Being with her ultimately also led me to this decision. I had someone who loved me so deeply and I hadn’t returned those feelings. I wanted to feel like I was allowed to live my authentic life.
Letting Go and Moving Forward
In a way, her letting me go allowed me to. We remained friends after but things just weren’t the same. I’ve always been an awkward person. I’ve never had the correct words to say while speaking and sound like a bumbling idiot when I shouldn’t. I figured that my digital world had to be a mirror into my life in ways that face to face I couldn’t convey. Facebook opened me up to allow myself to find the courage to share my most personal, deepest, darkest secrets.
Evoking Emotions and Opening Up
I think that’s ultimately what also led me to leave there. Opening myself bare like that with people who could honestly care less left me emotionally drained and unfulfilled. This is especially true when thinking about when I’m writing and doing this and how this opens up a totally different emotion in me. I’m writing for people who are choosing to follow me and that see some sort of value in my writing. I’m not just opening my mind and my heart up to people who don’t want to read what I have to say.
Truth in Self-Expression
Facebook changed my life because it allowed me to open up as I’d never done before, but Medium has made a bigger impact because I’ve been allowed to be more open and honest with my feelings with people who might actually care or may benefit from hearing what I have to say. In a way, I’m coming out again on Medium and this time people are really getting to see my authentic self expressed through my writing. So thank you, Facebook, for initially giving me the courage to even engage in this freeing exercise of self-expression. And thank you, Jodie Foster, for your unrivaled courage.