Do You Try to “Be Positive” by Just Not Saying All the Negative Stuff that Pops into Your head?
Here is a more authentic way to be positive
On our way out of town to visit my wife’s parents, she drove while I slumped in a spacey stupor looking out my window. I was tired, or had low blood sugar or something. Twenty minutes into the drive I still hadn’t said a word.
As the world streamed by, a billboard caught my attention. I thought it was stupid or objectionable in some way, so, for the first time the whole trip, I emerged from my daze and mustered the energy to comment.
“Did you see that billboard?” I said.
“No”.
“It was so stupid. It had a picture of this guy who was….”
Actually — I don’t remember what it was about, but I do remember that I pointed out how dumb it was and then promptly went back to zoning out.
As I sat there thinking, I was struck by what I had just done — and the profound messed-up-ness of it.
How could I experience an entire world of good and wonderful things passing me by, flowing around me — and sitting next to me — and not make a single comment about any of it?
But yet, when I saw one negative thing, I was energized and motivated to rise up, point it out, and highlight it for the rest of the world — as if my biggest fear in life is that something negative in the world might go unnoticed.
That was a moment of epiphany for me. Not that the basic thought was new or revolutionary. Accentuate the positive! Nothing new there.
But, at that moment, “being positive” was reduced from a complex and difficult mental struggle to a simple choice. Point out the good, — or point out the bad.
I noticed that up to that point, I almost always pointed out bad things and rarely pointed out good things.
So, I resolved on the spot to start pointing out the good. This phrase, “point out the good”, became my mantra.
For the rest of that trip, I searched for good things to point out. It was easy and fun. We laughed at some of the silly stuff I came up with. But it was far from a joke. There really are unlimited good things to point out. The more I did it the more I liked it.
Surprise! It just feels good to notice, talk about, and dwell on good things.
The best thing about pointing out good things is that it doesn’t take any special skills or practice. There is no guard on duty that you must combat to get access to good things. Good things are just sitting there, completely defenseless, waiting to be exploited.
This way of being positive is so much easier than the other way of trying to be positive.
The other way involves doing mental summersaults to find a silver lining — Looking for the good in otherwise bad things.
If you believe the key to being positive is spinning bad things so they don’t seem so bad — spraying perfume on skunks and putting lipstick on pigs — then you are completely missing the easy, low-hanging, fruit.
Sure, turning lemons into lemonade might be a necessary skill for grandmasters of positivity, but, fortunately, you don’t have to wrestle with bad things at all to point out good things. You just point them out.
When it comes to dealing with bad things, you don’t have to run around picking fights with every bad thing you see — like I did with the billboard — most bad stuff is easily avoided.
For sure, plenty of bad stuff will happen directly to you — stuff you can’t avoid by simply redirecting your focus. But when you have a habit of pointing out good things, you can openly acknowledge the bad stuff and then go right back to enjoying the good stuff. This way of being positive feels a lot more natural and authentic.
We know you can’t get rid of darkness by “turning off the dark” You get rid of darkness by “turning on the light”. Similarly, you don’t feel grateful and content by turning off the bad things. You feel grateful and content by turning on the good things.
After that trip with my wife, I focused consistently for several months on pointing out good things. This was the beginning of a profound gratitude journey that continues for me to this day.
Pointing out the good has become a daily go-to mental activity. It has become addicting. I feel like I have discovered something akin to biblical “manna”. Soul food — lying around everywhere — that I can gather whenever I want to bring light and warmth into my mind and heart.
