Embarrassment Is Your Imagination, Not Reality: How?
Don’t you spend most of your time in your head than anywhere else or with anybody else?
Yes, you do!
However, you can’t stop victimizing yourself for your utopia.
Why and where do you always get a person, situation, materials and blah blah blah to play the blame game with?
Why is it so?
Hey, hey, hey… I’ve no idea, you tell me, hum?
Are you still victimizing yourself by rationalizing your little tittle-tattle that no one cares about and doesn’t even exist?
Please, don’t tell me, “I’m suffering because this person did this to me”, “didn’t do as per me”, “ my astrological prediction wasn’t nice today”, or “I saw an evil woman 1st thing this morning”, “black cat crossed my road”, “it’s the fault of the TV “ or “timing wasn’t right”, “buying this item has put a spell on me” or whatever!
Does this phrase sound like you or does your grumble sound like this?
And you believe people like to listen to your tantrums? Do you think they care?
Who cares, It only exists in your head. Only You care!!
See, every people are warrior they are all fighting their own battles. Just like you centralizing everything around you as the world revolves around you. Everyone does the same. Just like you only care about yourself the most, other people do the same.
Suffering solely depends on you; If you identify it as joy, you’ll be joyful otherwise sorrowful. So the next time you find yourself in this position, choose to have fun instead of feeling embarrassed.
Yeah, I understand there was a time that you were highly embarrassed and it’s ok. However, does it exist now? So, why are you still holding it in your mind and feeling embarrassed? No one remembers what happened to you that time, why do you think you are the main character?
The moment you felt resentment or dejected has gone long before. You’re still upholding it in your imagination and choosing to ache instead of learning and letting go. Why are you fascinated by embarrassment?
Let me try another approach to clarify in detail.
Embarrassment doesn’t even exist since if the same thing may happen to two people: one will get embarrassed other won’t. It is embarrassing only if you get embarrassed, Otherwise, not. Next time you find yourself embarrassed, be the first person to laugh at yourself. You’ll feel better.
In my senior year of school, I felt a lot of pain and suffering. No, I didn’t have any problems with life in general. In fact, I had everything a teenager could ask for. I had my parents who never said no to any of my desires.
To be honest, I used to be the one saying Big NO to everything. I didn’t go on vacations or trips. I didn’t even like my birthday. I used to hate it when my parents organized one for me.
Why?
Simply because I hate to be the centre of attention and the fear of embarrassment that I may end up doing something stupid!
I don’t even want to have a wedding party. No, I don’t hate anyone. But I love to keep everything lowkey and this is the way I enjoy life.
There are several reasons that people often feel embarrassed. Besides, I used to be embarrassed over some silly things and I can relate to it too at some level. Let’s get in there.
1. Catastrophic Thinking
Catastrophic thinking is your way of surrounding yourself in your imaginary kingdom filled with holy terror and virtual rascals which has no connection to the real world.
It is just your utopia.
Worse may or may not happen to you, you are creating hell for yourself.
I mean, why are you getting yourself embarrassed in your fantasy?
Your thought like, “they’ll make fun of me”, “I’m going to get rejected anyway”, “I’m not good at this, they’ll think I’m foolish”, “I’ll be anxious in public and they will think I’m silly” are getting you embarrassed and not the authentic existence of these feelings.
Ways to Overcome
This hopelessness and helplessness can be minimized only by yourself.
Be the first one to laugh at your mistake, you’ll feel less embarrassed.
Thus, stop catastrophizing the situation before they arise.
Instead, manifest the best thing that can happen. Believe it from your heart.
You’ll start to have fun with these moments.
2. Rumination
Why do you prefer living in the past and not in the present if that past incident was shameful, humiliating, or embarrassing? Ask yourself.
So, is there any good in replaying and modifying those moments in your mind? Do your What If thoughts make those long-gone events any better?
No, Certainly!
Those past days are gone now regardless of your memories. Whether there were cheerful or sorrowful, they don’t exist now. Period!
It’s normal to ruminate sometimes but don’t make it your home. Let it go.
Ways to Overcome
Don’t dwell too deeply on those past mistakes, guilts or regrets.
Find yourself engaging in activities like socialising, exercising, gardening and other sources of fun.
Moreover, mindfulness practice like yoga and meditation helps a lot to be present now without residing in the past.
3. Perfectionism
Not everything you do lifts you to the top of the world. Life is a cycle of highs and lows. Don’t expect life to always be your way. It’s something your way, sometimes their way and sometimes "nobody knows” way and something “everybody knows” way.
Prepare for the worst. You’ll have the energy to fight when the downtime comes.
Life is all about the cycle of ups and downs, days and nights, good and evil, days. Nothing is perfect. You are not here to live perfectly but humanly. Humans do laugh-cry, reach-the-peak-fall-from-it, eat-shit, etc.
Can you see those landscapes which you found as a sign of perfectionism? Look closely, you’ll find something to complain about.
Yet, you’ll find beauty when you search for it there.
It’s not what they have to offer but what we have to see. Nothing is perfect, neither does you.
So please, leave your idea of perfection behind. Be the work in progress. And above all, enjoy silly moments; they’re precious. They bring the child in you.
Ways to Overcome
Be realistic, be you and Live freely. Eliminate your idea of perfectionism, it’s just an idea. Be imperfectly perfect.
4. Unrealistic Expectations
I’m saying it from the bottom of my heart, stop having unrealistic expectations. It’s not possible to always be in a happy, successful, and conflictless relationship. It’s unrealistic as you see.
You are supposed to feel every emotion that a human heart can dwell. It includes anger, sorrow, fear, excitement, jealousy, loneliness, nostalgia, guilt, surprise etc.
If you have expectations like, “People will always agree with you”, “not ghost you”, “you’ll have a happy relationship without any conflicts”, and “You’ll never fail”, they are unrealistic.
And now you’re embarrassed by old you. How can it work?
Ways to Overcome
Expect to feel it all in time. Identity and accept them first, work in chunks and see life from different angles.
You’ll start to leave unrealistic expectations in you outside your door.
Unrealistic expectation leads you to feel shameful, humiliated, or embarrassed, realistic expectation won’t.
5. Social Anxiety
Like the things mentioned above, it’s up to you to avoid social anxiety. It’ll get hard at first, especially if you sweat, blush, muscle tension and starts to tremble.
Growth is uncomfortable because it leads you out of your comfort zone into somewhere you’ll be proud to reach. However, the journey will not be easy.
However, its’ all in your head. You will feel less anxious if you control your brain instead of letting it control you.
Ways to Overcome
Particularly, it takes time for you to over it. Adopt relaxation techniques through breathing practice, it does much better.
In some cases, you may need help from outside. Be comfortable asking for it when you need it. It may be professional support or support from your family and friends.
In a Nutshell
We have seen that embarrassment is just your brain game. Don’t let it fool you. Be the one to fool it. Do as people say, “Fake it till you make it” which means act like you’re not embarrassed until you’ll not feel the embarrassment anymore.
Be the one to slay with the same things that you once feel shameful over. It’s possible.
©Kalpana Khattri 2023. All Rights Reserved
