From Formidable Women
I come from formidable women.
There is no better word to describe the women who raised me. I am forever reaching and climbing, hungry, to not pale in comparison.
My grandmother used to wake up at 3 am to sell vegetables at the market and by noon she would be tired and worn, yet she came home and still looked after her 7 children. She told them stories and taught them how to be resourceful. She tried her best, to give them the best with what little they had.
She survived World War II — A young child when the Japanese invaded the Philippines and with only a second-grade education my grandmother helped feed a family, she built a business, starting with selling goods at the market and eventually she opened her own store, she was a pillar of the community and she worked till she was well into her 70’s, only stopping because she physically couldn’t anymore.
My grandmother had true grit and the kindest heart. She never let anyone go hungry, our home and our table was always open.
My mother is the fiercest woman I know, her ambition and tenacity knew no bounds, she filled her world with knowledge and she worked hard to help her family even managing to put her youngest sister through university.
My mother taught me how to learn — she gave me the same hunger for knowledge that she had. She taught me English even though it was not her first language — and she gave to me a love for reading and writing that will remain my legacy long after I am gone.
My mother, like her mother, was also generous. Always ready to share her wealth, never knowing any form of portion control when it came to making meals, nor did she say no when you asked her for money.
She knew the true meaning of altruism, she gave because she knew what it meant to have nothing, and now that she had everything — she would try to make sure those around her never went without.
I am surrounded by the strength of the women who shaped me, taught me, and gave me light and fire, who taught me love, kindness and generosity. There is no simplicity in the complexity of my intensity — I am alien to the notion of “too loud” and there is no such thing as “too much food” — because too much only meant more to share, there is no such thing as too much love or family because the more the merrier. This does not mean we lived in perpetual excess, it just meant that we always had enough to share.
Thrust into the world carrying the mark of “woman”, I shoulder the legacy of the formidable ones who came before me and those who surround me.
My mother was a “perfectionist” — a trait that I resented for a while until I grew up and finally understood — She never needed me to be the BEST IN THE WORLD, what she wanted was for ME TO GIVE MY BEST.
Because the standards you need to meet are the ones set by you. She believed in holding yourself to a higher standard not to stress yourself out but because she genuinely believed that I should truly believe that I. AM. GREAT.
For a while growing up I misunderstood this, I thought this meant I had to outdo others, and the sense of defeat I felt when I didn’t, soured many of my personal bests. With time and experience, I finally learned to separate myself from the rat race, the only battle I am trying to win is one with myself. To hold myself to the standards I set, to value the boundaries I built and to know my limits and test them at the same time. The self-actualisation of meeting and surpassing my goals provided me with the drive to want more from myself, and from this want, sprouted success.
Let’s not get this twisted, it is not easy, pushing yourself, working hard is exactly what it sounds like — it’s HARD. This means you have to take the time to know yourself and look after yourself.
My mental health at times is held together by dried-up tears and caffeine all supplemented by a terrible addiction to sugar. But I’ve learned to clock my lows, and I take breaks as needed or I swallow my pride and get help — I’ve learned that there’s no shame in this. Self-care is the ULTIMATE form of holding yourself to a higher standard.
Another lesson I learned from the women who raised me, is to surround myself with kind people, unselfish people, those willing to uplift you. Some people will block your blessings because to be left behind is frankly terrifying. But then there are some who will run with you, they will take you by the hand and bring you forward. Those who will do for you, just as you would do for them. These are your people.
When you look around the room, you should never see yourself standing above others — if you do, you are in the wrong room. When you look around a room you should see peers, mentors and mentees you should see opportunities to collaborate, learn, teach, and uplift.
Some day I will have the opportunity to teach and mould and I will do as was done with me. I will pass down the same fire and love that I was showered with. I will pass down my love for the written word, and I will teach my legacy that strength is not born from solitude it is fostered with solidarity, it is belief and drive, it is the acceptance of the collective support from those around you that lifts you.
I come from formidable women, I am surrounded by formidable women.
I am formidable.
