Harmonizing rejection feelings
Are feelings of rejection worth carrying?
Rejection — The feeling of being unwanted, shunned, set aside.
Some individuals develop distress, frustration, social anxiety as they think more about the event.
However, in some individuals, voices of more statements in the mind, reminding them of the event, connecting thoughts, develop actions as a result, self-blaming, feeling shamed and marred by aversion to public events.
Children faced this many times in nursery, a school where other children could create such painful situations. Our parents would tell our children,
“It’s normal! It’s part of growing up!”
True story.
When we were children, we developed the same insecure feelings. We might have taken inspiration from others who understand us and guided us to accept this as a way of life, develop strategies to handle such situations through exercise, meditation, yoga, dance, music, writing, drawing, painting, transforming their stress into creative pursuits.
Some children, unfortunately, carry such statements from parents, siblings, relatives, friends, classmates, teachers, neighbours, tuition centres. They have joined all the statements with additional thoughts, emotions and perform accordingly. When children perform badly due to insecurity, the worst thing parents could do is to “Compare!”
“Comparison creates competition, chaos, chivalry in the mind, confusion about achievement, fame, status. We are forced to follow someone we do not feel is suitable to our life path, eventually making bad choices in work, life, relationships or skills.”
Please, I request, never compare children to other children who have achieved early. It sets a bad example for the child. It creates a negative response to success. We have more unemployed adults because education has been given more priority rather than learning skills that could make them able to earn.
They need to understand:
Rejection is a skill if mastered gives more room for improvement, not as a means to take revenge.
We need to encourage our children to learn. Not only learn, but implement the learned knowledge.
Having a great degree does not guarantee a great job. But having a passion for skill and working, mastering, perfecting a skill gives opportunities.One needs to have an interest in a particular skill or aptitude. Forcing it because it gives income, only adds stress and trouble to the child.
They would become accustomed to being rejected and make that pain the need of their success. Hurt others to make the feeling of rejection inside go away.
Allow children to be more expressive to their parents, siblings, friends. They would be able to accept within themselves what is the cause of the rejection, accept it, and find better ways to accept. Reasoning, understanding the ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to a particular rejection, makes it easier to accept the rejection. Stimulants and their popularity among peers are the starting of the feeling of rejection. Nip it in the bud at the early stage with effective strategies, self-blame talk is not a solution.
Use facts to understand rejection. Avoid self-blame or negative thoughts about the self. It’s good to be sensitive to situations, but try not to make your sensitivity your bitter enemy.
Give a self-statement, for example:
“Yes, I have been rejected today, by someone I love or respect. What if they do not want it that way, as I saw it?”
Ask such a question, the feeling of rejection would be felt a little better. What if there are other ways?
If people reject us because they cannot see us in so and so way, accept their line of thought. It may be their choice.
Is feeling in love better than being in love?
Being in love is a great feeling. Having someone to love is also a great thing. But feeling in one way and the other person does not feel the same is not love; it’s just possessiveness.
We have a lot of acid-attack victims, assaults happening around us because our young men and women are not taught to accept rejection.
When we are degraded due to our physical deformities or believed deformities, it grows with age. That’s when children go into stimulants of varying degrees to feel mighty, macho, superior. This starts from isolation and loneliness, avoiding social situations that expose these deformities or limitations. This comes again from “Comparison- setting standards of perfection.”
People think differently, act differently, understand differently, let’s not set standards that make the performance of achieving very difficult on our children.
Let’s work together and help others deal with rejection at an early age or stage. Let’s make our world a better place!
