Haters Gonna Hate
But should we engage with them?
I’ve not been on Medium for that long, but I’ve already experienced nearly every kind of comment that Katie Jgln describes here. That is: The Mansplainer, The One With All The Audactiy, The Debate Me Guy and The One That Doesn’t Even Pretend Not to Hate Women.
95% of the negative comments that I’ve received have been from men.
Occasionally I leave a comment on someone’s article that can be construed as negative, but that is rare. If I really disagree with someone, I might unfollow them.
I usually leave comments that are positive and that show that I agree with something. I’m not alone in this, but clearly, there is another side of the internet that does the exact opposite.
So my question is this:
What do you do when you receive a negative comment? Should you ignore it, or should you engage?
And if you do engage, how far do you go?
I’ve tried a couple of different strategies and here are my findings:
1. Ignoring it
For me, this has been the best way to ensure that I don’t receive a load more negativity. It doesn’t feel that satisfying, because when I receive a bitchy comment, my instant thought is to be bitchy back.
But I think that in the long run, this is the simplest way of dealing with negative comments. What I love is when another reader jumps to your defence. #Solidarity
2. Killing it with kindness
“Thank you so much for your comment. I really appreciate your words. They’ve given me a lot to think about. I’m glad that you enjoyed the article enough to leave a comment.”
In my experience, this doesn’t usually get a response, as people who leave bitchy comments usually love to receive them in return so that they can be bitchy back again.
This usually ends the cycle of negativity, but again, it doesn’t feel very satisfying, and potentially runs the danger of not challenging the comment you’ve received and making it seem as though that comment is acceptable (when it absolutely isn’t).
3. Reminding them that their comments (negative or not) are great for your earning potential/algorithm.
This is a good tack to go to when someone has written such a long comment of nonsense that it actually equals the length of your article.
And let’s be honest, very few other people can be bothered to read a comment that long (or is that just me?), so a quick reply along the lines of “Thanks for taking the time to write such a long comment and boost my earnings” can be really powerful.
You don’t engage with their message, and you get one up on them.
4. Engaging genuinely — trying to answer back.
Sometimes I’ve tried this, and it often gets a comment in return, although that comment is usually a barrage load of more negativity.
I have never been able to convince someone of my view, at least, not to my knowledge. And probably no one else has been able to convince me to change my view, so I can’t really be too critical about that.
The problem with engaging is where it might lead to — I had one person ask me out on an article I wrote:
So they hadn’t really got the message, had they? That made me feel quite uncomfortable, as it was so far from my intention of writing on Medium.
So I ignored it, and luckily, they soon deleted the comment.
Do you have more options? I’d love to hear about them! For now, I’ll probably stick with number 1, until I get riled up enough to go for number 4.
(Thanks to Taylor Swift for the title inspiration)
