Have I Really Overcome and Recovered From Burnout?
Does it end?
According to Psychology Today, burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress.
I experienced burnout early in my career, which made me believe that I had lost my purpose in life and my motivation to work. The burnout overlapped with the worst phase of my clinically diagnosed condition of chronic depression. Both weighed in like heavy sandbags that dragged the life force and energy out of me everyday. I could not recognize that I was pushing myself more into the hole I was digging.
What went on in my head during the burnout?
I barely enjoyed my routine and yet without it, I felt miserable and lost. More so, I felt guilty whenever I relaxed or took a break. There was a constant pressure from within me to be productive all the time and not respect breaks — this led to a mechanical life, almost robotic. I saw no point in carrying on with anything yet I pushed myself not to give up. I could not imagine myself not working or not being productive and this led to unhealthy, unrealistic expectations from myself.
I had never heard of the term burnout and when I did from my therapist, I was unaware of how to recognize when something was leading to a burnout down the line and this made me feel helpless and vulnerable. It led to frustration and I started losing interest in everything I was passionate about. At this moment, was when I understood that my body was already showing tell-tale signs — a desperate cry for help.
Things I learned through therapy and my research online
These were the questions looming in my head-
- When do I know my routine/habits are leading to burnout?
- What are the steps involved in tackling burnout?
- How do I prevent one (since it takes longer to get out of it)?
- How do I recover from it and reschedule my habits to perform efficiently?
Burnout goes hand in hand with toxic productivity, best described by Dave Schafer from Trello-“Work’s always-on, always-available hustle culture can result in toxic productivity, defined as overworking at the expense of other facets of your life.”
This statement of how overworking / workaholism encroaches on other spheres of life rings true. We lose out on so many things and aspects we hold dear because time does not wait for anyone.
When do I know my routine/habits are leading to burnout?
According to the WHO, burnout has three dimensions-
- feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion
- increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one’s job
- reduced professional efficacy
I realized this isn’t just some definition but the actual snapshot of how I felt and went through it. These signs are something to look out for, especially when they last for long periods. However, it is very much necessary to get help when you see these signs; talk to a therapist to get a professional’s guidance through the situation. A therapist would help you get to the root of the problem and address it better.
Some rules I have decided to stick by after discussing with my therapist-
- Set and respect boundaries: learning to say No
- Take mandatory breaks to refresh my mind: a short walk to catch some fresh air with small intervals of stretching
- I began to identify patterns in my behavior: extreme level of toxic productivity, either overburdening myself with work or not working at all
I still feel the lasting effects of the burnout…
Some questions surprisingly, I am still searching for answers to- What is my purpose in life? What motivates me in life? Does my job/career really define who I am? Is there a way out of the system that has been followed for generations? Is there really only this much in life? There should be something more fulfilling. This yearning to grow and learn to build a better life was stamped into my outlook.
Burnout made me question my core beliefs around the system of our living standards and via vitae.
Of course, I still experience some dreading moments of burnout which I am working through therapy. Apart from that, I have been reading up on something called logotherapy. It is a school of therapy and most of my questions seem to resonate with its core principles/beliefs. I have figured out that understanding myself is key to tackling the big looming question about my purpose.
How do we find the middle ground?
Whenever I realize I am drowning in an unhealthy pattern with my work, no matter how passionate I feel about that project/goal, I respect my body’s need to move around, refresh my mind and go for a short walk. Coming from the field of science, I can understand how taxing it can get, especially while working with time-based experiments, where leaving for a walk is sometimes impossible. I am yet to figure out a way out of this labyrinth.
According to Juli Fraga, licensed psychologist, untreated burnouts lead to a higher risk of depression among individuals. This information gives us a picture of how grave it can get if ignored.
Last month was the Mental Health Awareness month and I decided that I would start my articles at New Writers Welcome with this piece. I believe that with suitable toolkits and contingency plans developed with the help of a therapist, we can learn to slow down and be present in our life. What we do now affects our future, so our actions are the most important and it is the time when we have the most power to change our lives. Being creatures of habit, we tend to stick to them. It is time to look into our daily routine and patterns while we restructure them to live a fulfilling life rather than just an overburdening, productive one.
