How to Accept Circumstantial Friendships
Identifying, managing and mourning short-term friendships.
With full transparency up front, I genuinely thought I may have made this term up but research has proved me quite wrong!
Circumstantial friendships are defined as “friends by circumstance, and when circumstances change, the friendship ends.” This might be due to physical or emotional circumstances, such as being colleagues or when people use the relationship to their advantage — positively or negatively — and part ways when there is no longer a need to be friends.
It’s natural for friendships to fizzle when we are no longer in the same environment with the person or people we were once friends with. Even if you still may consider these people as friends, time spent together or time spent communicating decreases gradually.
I’ve thought about the concept a lot over the years as life evolved and I’ve grown as a person, both professionally and emotionally. It’s hard to consider that perhaps the people in the situation — of course, also myself — may have not put in the effort to maintain the friendships/relationships. A mutual fizzle out.
Thinking back to high school or previous jobs, we were so young and still figuring out our personalities and our direction in life. You’re together in the one place with something in common for maths class or a five hour shift at a supermarket, and in hindsight, it seems quite improbable that we would stay friends passed that point. Remember all those older people who told you you’d not be friends with many people from school in the future? And we thought they were being cynical.
Perhaps there’s something beautiful about being friends with people short-term. We can learn what we need when it comes to valuable friendships and relationships, and learn more about ourselves and how we react to different situations. Ultimately, an important lesson from circumstantial friendships is that we can be far more independent, stronger and proud of ourselves.
In any case, should we feel the need to mourn these little “break-ups” — they so do feel like one sometimes — and gain a sense of closure? Often the fizzle out is the closure itself; almost like both parties have each understood was has occurred.
I’ve come to feel less guilty about circumstantial friendships over time, especially after experiencing instances of toxicity, guilt-tripping and straight-up ghosting. Appreciate the people in your life who stick around and make an effort, who move with you through life, or imprint something within you to know they’re worth holding onto.
Secondary reference for this article available here.
