How To Deal With Difficult People
We’ve all been there
How many of us have had to deal with difficult people?
You may have come across them at work, at school, at social events, etc.
Tell me if this sounds familiar, you have:
- The ignorer (the person that won’t look up at their screen when they speak to you and the one that avoids you entirely).
- The one-upper (the person always has a better idea, and loves to one-up the next person)
- The pointer of mistakes (this is the one that loves to point out your mistakes in an effort to make themselves look smarter in front of others).
- The gossiper (the one that loves to get up in everybody’s business and shares the latest gossip).
- The curmudgeon (this is usually the one that has been in a place/ company for a long time, and they keep talking about the former glory days).
Why do we need to learn to deal with difficult people?
Well, it's because it's your heart attack if you let difficult people get to you.
Hence, you want to learn to deal with difficult people well to ensure your emotional and mental well-being is preserved.
The stress hormones are killing your well-being.
The reality is if we can’t change other people’s behaviour, the only thing we can change is our own behaviour.
Here are some practical steps to resolve this:
Predict those behaviours, so you prepare for it
If you’ve ever worked or dealt with a particularly difficult person, you probably already know their personality.
Learn to be mentally prepared for this so that you are unfazed when dealing with this “difficult person”. Being able to foresee a person’s usual pattern of behaviour cushions the level of anxiety that you face because you are prepared for it.
You often hear people say, “Don't take his offenses seriously, he is usually mean to everyone?”. This helps a new person mentally prepare for the interaction.
Use inclusive language
Instead of saying “you” are slow to progress, “you” are incompetent, etc.
Try to use inclusive language such as “we” could probably try to look at this a little more effectively.
Instead of saying your work is lousy. Consider saying “what I would do to present this more effectively is….”
The methods used are inclusive.
When you immediately attack a person with all the negative points, they become defensive, and all their walls go up. This does not motivate them to improve their work or attitude. This just makes them attack you on your mistakes as well.
Instead, focus on their strengths, using the word “we”.
Take deep breaths
Remember when you were growing up, you were taught to take deep breaths and count to 3? Just take big long deep breaths to calm yourself so that you can think clearly and not let conflict get to you.
It's a simple task, but it helps tremendously.
Recognise their efforts
As hard as it might seem to recognise the efforts of a difficult person, it helps to walk in their shoes for a minute. When we acknowledge their efforts, we start to move away from being the enemy to them and them in our minds and view the relationship in a more civil manner.
Relationships are so crucial because the opportunities that you get are based on the people that you know, so keep that in mind.
Final thoughts
Lastly, realising that there are difficult people is part of the reality of life. This helps you better navigate handling difficult people.
You can be sure that by handling it well and not letting it faze you, you live a better life with less anxiety. After all, it's your heart attack if you let it get to you.
