I have no friends, but I’m still happy
Why I’m grateful to be a “loner”
In January 2021, I broke up with all my friends.
Well, actually, I moved to Europe to become a digital nomad. But as an Australian, that’s pretty much the same thing.
Since leaving, my communication with my friends and family has been sparse and random. With vastly different time zones and busy work schedules, it’s hard to fit a word in edgewise. So for the last 21 months, I’ve been practically friendless. My partner, Devin, and our two dogs have been my only companions. Because we are constantly travelling through countries where we know very little of the language, there are whole days that go by where I don’t talk to anyone, but them.
If you told me two years ago that that would be the case, I would’ve been very concerned for my future self’s mental state. But funnily enough, being on the outside of society and without friend groups for so long has taught me something incredibly valuable.
It has taught me how to be friends with myself.
Gosh, yeah, I hear it. I sound like the weird kid on the playground, trying to make the other kids jealous of my imaginary friends. But I swear, there’s a powerful lesson here. Just wait for it.
You see, it all started when I decided to take up journaling.
Before we left Australia, my Nan gave me a journal for Christmas. My Pa had gone on a solo trip to Italy ten years before and documented every day of it. She suggested that if I did the same, one day I could look back on all my adventures. It could be my own little time capsule.
So, about two weeks into our indefinite trip, I began writing.
It was simple at first — little accounts of our days in Athens, details of picking up our dogs from customs, pages of ramblings about the architecture, and struggling with the language.
But then something shifted, and I started writing about how I felt — my fears, my hopes, my dreams. Without a friend to talk to when the fancy struck, I began to talk to myself instead.
Every morning began with a cup of coffee and a conversation with myself.
Sometimes they were quick. Sometimes they were so long that my wrist ached for the rest of the day. But I always came away from them feeling so much better.
You know that feeling you get after you’ve had a good venting session with a friend? That lightness? That refreshment?
That’s how I feel after a journaling session. As lonely as this weird kid may sound, I’ve never had a better venting session than I’ve had with myself.
Slowly, over time, I’ve noticed the clarity I get from journaling leaking out into my everyday life. I’ve become more in touch with my truest self — with that version of me that only comes out when I’m being completely, utterly honest.
I find it easier to speak my truth in conversations with others (yes, I still have them), and I’m a heck of a lot better at processing my emotions.
The point being…
By having these conversations with myself — by acting as my closest friend — I have become more in tune with my most authentic self than I ever have before.
I know what I want out of life with complete clarity. I know exactly how my mind and emotions work, and I even find myself calling out my bad behaviour whilst in the heat of the moment.
I don’t think I can put all the credit for this development on being a loner. But there’s something about being 15,000km from anyone you know that really kicks your self-awareness into overdrive.
Regardless, I’m curious…
Do you have conversations with yourself?
Has journaling helped you get more in touch with your most authentic self?
Or do you think I need to go make some friends?!
Keep growing, Ellisha x
P.S. I’ve become a little obsessed with working out how to live as my truest self. And by extension, how to help other people do the same. It’s taken me on a whirlwind emotional adventure, but I think I may just have the beginnings of the answer. I’ve just launched a course on how to create emotional clarity within your own mind, through a clear and logical framework. So if you’re interested, feel free to head on over to my website. Otherwise, have an amazing day!
