I Lied to My Boss When Quitting my 9–5
Sometimes lies turn out to be clues
It was the 10th of January 2023. I had just stepped off the train. My early morning commute was always stressful and the train was rarely on time. I was anxious. I was going to hand in my resignation and announce to my team that I was quitting.
Do we always have to have a reason? My mind was racing. What was I going to tell them? Quitting one’s job without a backup plan was unheard of, especially in Sweden where we are so obsessed with security. Besides, the economy wasn’t in the best shape… But there was this inner voice telling me it was time to leave this life behind. Whatever happens, the universe will save me... This isn’t my purpose. I have to leap into the unknown to find it.
What was I good at? Everyone has a skill, something valuable to share with the world. Something unique. But I was a jack of all trades, the master of none. I had been like that all my life. At the office I was doing a bit of everything and if there was a crisis somewhere they would send me. I never developed an expertise area. It was over for me.
I walked into the morning meeting with my boss and sat down in front of him. I think I was sweating. But I had figured out my lie. It had just entered my mind a few seconds prior.
Boss, I’m quitting. I’m going to go all in and become a freelance journalist. And travel.
He was surprisingly excited for me. His wife was a freelance journalist… Good, the reason was valid. Now I had to take a course in journalism… I was decent at writing at school I remembered.
Office gossip was inevitable. The news spread like a wildfire. The entire agency was talking about it. Nothing exciting ever happens but now someone was going to do an Eat Pray Love. I had to play along and not show that I was terrified of my own decision.
Another lie for my team? But that wasn’t all. I also added a yoga teacher to the so-called plan. Because being a freelance journalist wasn’t enough, I had to keep justifying my pivot and why this job wasn’t right for me. I got caught up in all of the explaining and answering questions.
The self-fulfilling prophecy. Somehow the lies turned out to be clues. Even though I’m not exactly a freelance journalist, I am here exploring writing. I also just booked a yoga teacher’s training in September. But the future isn’t certain and probably won’t be for a while. But that’s ok.
Essentially the lesson is this: we don’t have to know everything in advance. We have to let go of control and just trust. When the time is right the answers come. We often panic because we need them right there and then. We panic when we are clueless. We never embrace the cluelessness, which is an inherent part of being human. It’s easier said than done, but we’re here to learn. In my case, my lies were clues. I was being guided by intuition.
If you’re making a new start in life, remember — you don’t owe anyone answers including yourself. Just trust.
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